The Life Suck

I'm at a really strange period in life right now. I started a new role in P&G in the environmental space where we consolidated two roles being filled with lots of overtime and two experience people...into me. I knew moving into a completely new field of work would be challenging and that I would have to do some serious automation, cleanup and triaging of the work to make it fit but I wasn't prepared for what has come my way over the last year.

Further complicating things, I also started writing for an awesome cleantech website...and really a whole media network focused on advocating sustainable living across a ton of different topics. That ramped up very quickly and turned into a solid paying part time gig on top of my already loaded boat of day to day work. More recently, I've added on travel for this work which consumes valuable vacation and family time from my day job.

That all hit a wall in May for me when I had a trip to Switzerland for the writing gig which was amazing but preworking everything for my day job to allow me to take the time off, preparing for the trip on a personal level and preparing for the onslaught of content that came at from the tour itself was just a lot to take in.

That has all taken a huge toll on my family with my ability to contribute meaningfully at home on a relational and functional levels dropped into the negative. I was really pushing to make the writing work and while I still hope to do that eventually after paying down a few debts and monthly payments (by installing solar), I'm hoping to be able to move into a new chapter of life. I thought I could do this all in a sprint...a one time effort to ramp one up and ramp the other down...and just suck it up in the meantime but instead, I've hit a wall for the first time in my life...at least this kind of a wall.

Coming out of the Switzerland trip, I've only written a few articles...I just don't have mental energy left to do much of anything productive outside of my day job and frankly, that's just killing me. Not just the writing but I don't have energy or willpower to engage meaningfully in my marriage...I struggle to connect with my kids and feed into them. I'm numb to life and just try to vent my stress or borrow energy and emotion from video games, movies and "tv" (lol that the meaning of that has changed so much in my lifetime).

Working at P&G historically has been great for the most part. Everything in life has highs and lows so I'm used to riding that rollercoaster but sucking it up for a year and more than that...not seeing an end in sight but really only seeing the potential for a downward slide is not encouraging. The best analogy I've found for it is that it feels like I'm stuck in an abusive relationship. I feel like I need the income but the workload is just not practical with the energy and capacity for work that I have which are substantial.

The capstone for the struggle is that my work is in compliance so I'm constantly providing official, legal data to government agencies, filing for new permits, responding to requests for information, giving tours and walking the line of compliance with innumerable inspectors for various agencies we are required to entertain in order to do business. The weight of reporting to official agencies at the federal, state and local levels is on my shoulders all the time. I regularly wake up in the middle of the night thinking of some report, audit or agency and that drives me nuts. On top of having too much work, I often end up not getting enough rest and working while exhausted because my mind never stops working.

I'm not complaining about the compliance piece...the awkward bit about all of it is that I have immense passion to push past this compliance piece of the role into driving meaningful reductions in our footprint through cost reduction opportunities and strategic partnerships with our regulatory agencies...and that's really the only thing that keeps me going at work.

This is really just venting and processing out loud but I'm at a loss. Words are my therapy and a critical outlet for me to stream my thoughts out, put them on paper and see what my brain is up to.

Oh, we're working through a tense transition in leadership of the youth group at church...again. I really don't have energy to push that anymore. I've been through just about every stage imaginable to try to initiate meaningful change there with a few successes but mostly just stress and frustration.

I'm thinking that's not an effective place for me to continue working, pushing and investing myself but that's counterbalanced with the sheer vacuum of meaningful investment of resources in the youth of the church. Stay in the group...leave the group. Stay at the church...leave the church before my kids enter the vacuum...no energy to process these things right now but they're definitely floating around as many young families lock in their votes.

So...life today has work eating up the majority of me. I'd say 90% of my capacity goes there and I'm really not ok with that. Top priority becomes getting that down to a sustainable level or getting out by working the numbers and just sucking it up. I'm going to target an absurdly low 3 days/week @ 9 hours/day for that with minimal external work, super long days, etc. I'm just not willing to give much more than that for too much longer, sorry. Let's target getting to this in the next year at the latest...and sustain that for 2 years.

Ideally, I could spend 2 full days per week writing with energy left over during the week to write. That's an overexaggeration of what I want because I'm tired of not investing myself in what I think I should be investing myself in. I want energy left at the end of the day to play, to dream, to imagine, to love and to live...

In the meantime, probably scale back investments in retirement to pay down our car loan and get this solar installed...fuck my brain has nothing left.

I may just have to cap the day at 8 hours of working time per day to reign things in. Maybe it will take a few violations to get the site to realize that we need more people to do this work. That sucks.

I don't know...I hope this processing on paper helps me figure out what to do.

"You have cancer" Those words hit me like a sledgehammer to my chest...

"You have cancer." Those words hit me like a sledgehammer to my chest. December was a difficult month for our family...and specifically for me. In the first few days of the month, I found a lump in my testicle that was later identified as being cancerous. After a surgery to remove it and an array of tests, I'm officially cancer free but it was a crazy couple of weeks and it really shook me. 

I didn't share this broadly back then because the word 'cancer' sounds like a death sentence. While I wasn't freaking out, everyone else would have and frankly, that would have just been more for me to deal with and I knew it wouldn't help. Cancer is especially scary when the words "You have..." come before it...but through the process, I learned that it doesn't have to be that way.

You see, I had testicular cancer which is very survivable with roughly a 98% survival rate but I didn't know that at the time. I just knew that I had cancer and that frankly, scared the crap out of me. A bit of research calmed me down a little but I still felt like I had this black cloud hanging over me. As I worked through the various doctors visits, I only gained certainty that I had cancer at first...then realized that all cancers are different and even within cancers of a certain region (like the testes or breasts), there are tons of factors and the reality is that most people - around 2/3s - survive cancer.

I'm not sharing this for sympathy - I'm doing great now and was back to 100% relatively quickly after we worked through the surgery in mid-December to remove the cancer, but rather, I'm sharing my story to let you know that finding out that you have cancer is not a death sentence. We should talk about it as a society to kill the stigma surrounding it and encourage more people to do proactive checks. Pretending cancer doesn't exist or that you won't get it only makes it worse.

When people don't know about the risk or how easy the checks for cancers like testicular cancer are...they don't check for it and that only gives the cancer more time to do damage to your body. I didn't know about self-checks and only found it by chance. Testicular cancer specifically occurs in men (obviously) between the ages 15-40 (not so obvious) which I had no idea about but wish I had. I had naively assumed that cancer was something that happened more commonly as we age...but that's not the case for all cancers.

That's what I wanted to say...and I know that more than anything, you're probably just feeling relieved right now. Somebody else had cancer but they made it, right? I'm glad it wasn't me. That works...almost. 40% of people will get cancer in their lifetime...that's a fact.

And 40% is no small number. Think about it - that's one in every 2.5 humans that will get cancer. Because of that, I encourage you to do a self check and to build that in to your regular routine. For men, it's easy to check for lumps - here's a quick (and humorous) video that shows you how...and for women, here is an intro video that explains self examination practices for breast cancer. There are plenty of videos on YouTube that provide additional details and perspective so please - take this quick step to get informed...then take action :)

These basic checks avoid what otherwise might be a more serious matter and give you what you need most to fight against cancer should it come to that - time. Let's drop the awkward or uncomfortable stigma around cancer and join together to take action today. Get informed and if you want to talk...I'm here.

2015 Guatemala: The Road to Mach

Where to start.  So yeah, the bus.  After a fun filled day in Lanquin (and boy was it packed to the gills with fun, adventure and team time!), we boarded the bus for a very long ride.  I think it wound up being around 10 hours and I would love to say that it flew by...but it just didn't.  What it was though...was quality time. Being displaced in Guatemala...being in a new country, a new culture...without any cell phone reception or a data plan or friends, family, our favorite blanket, our beds, our shower...those comforts...we were off kilter, off balance but in a beautiful way.

You see...that very same discomfort is what started to bring us together.  We were all from a place that we were used to...a place we called home with the comforts that go with it...the routines we had built and become used to and truthfully that we knowingly abandoned to head out on this journey to something...somewhere in the wonderful country that is Guatemala.  We had seen it in pictures and maybe heard stories but now we were in it...together.

We came to learn, to grow, to be stretched, to smell things that were not pleasant, to smell unpleasant (as happens on a bus after 10 hours), to be hungry, to share food, to be each other's comfort...together.  it's tough if not impossible to put the formula that is a team trip to guatemala into words...but it's real and it's not always easy but it's so worth it.  We were being stretched...being shaped...being melded into something beautiful.  On one level, two important things that happened on the trip were - 1) we became, were shaped into, grew into an authentic community and that's nothing to scoff at.  It's VERY tough to replicate here in the US where we have all the comforts we're used to.  If we get thirsty, turn on the faucet, pickup a bottle from the back seat...no biggie.

In Guat, you don't have those options.  you have to share to make it work.  you have to accept things from others to get by. of course you can have some of my bug spray.  Yeah, the sunscreen is over there.  No biggie - you can have the last tortilla.  I'll take the uncomfortable seat for the next 4 hour stretch - you relax and get some rest.  Let me bang on the concrete floor for a few hours...please. I want to help.  Let me do it.  I'll drive.  You relax.  and LOVE...just love.  It becomes something different when you're reliant on one another.  It's a team thing. It's a body thing...a community thing. and it's beautiful.

Taking a break from the gushing there's also the flip-side.  I'm an introvert so talking with people, being with people, connecting and being real with people takes energy.  That's not saying that I don't like it because most people are great and it's a good time but from an energy standpoint, it drains my batteries.  In my normal world, that's no problem. But in Guat where there's 29 people in tight quarters, working hard, emoting, smelling, eating, playing, stepping on toes, crawling over each other, grabbing each other (scott!) for 14 DAYS...my batteries run low. I know that I'm that way and I'm super ok with it but it needed to be managed. so by day 10 or so, I was done with people and I was very thankful and greedy about any downtime we had.  I spent many mornings walking around by myself because I need that time.  I need ME time and that was a scarce commodity on the trip.

So yeah, we're on the road to Machaquila.  There was an angst in the air.  We all knew that we were on the road to the place where we were going to do the most work.  To get our hands dirty and open up our hearts to some Guatemalan kids and that it was going to be rough.
We arrived in Mach and it felt like home from the get go.  Spirits were high but we were exhausted and as we took our room assignments, we lazily looked around at the "eco resort" we were staying at, unsure.  It may sound fancy, but this place was rough - even for me and I consider myself a pretty easy going guy when it comes to living conditions.

 Mach ~ the big Red Dot

Our rooms were in the rainforest - literally and had vines going up the sides, giant trees right outside which is fantastic.  BUT...that comes with getting all up and personal with nature.  Regular sightings of giant bugs in our rooms...6" locusts (grasshoppers), a myraid of moths, mystery roaches or all sorts on the floor, noises from here and there that came from something living and my favorite on our second to last day - a snake.  I saw just the tail of it as it slithered from our bathroom into the space under the floor of our room and it was unmistakable.  That wasn't a confidence builder but we made it.

The next morning we loaded up and headed off to the orphanage on what was to be quite honest, too short of a trip to get there.  I didn't have time to do my final mentally prep work and arrived a bit awkwardly. I didn't really want to get out of the car, unsure of what was inside the orphanage but like cattle, we shuffled in, assaulted by what we saw.  This was the first time anyone from our group had been there and you could feel it.  Kids everywhere - some 56 kids in total - wandered around the gated property.  You could tell it was their place and they felt at home but also that they were used to outsiders coming by...whether to drop off another child, to talk with the couple that ran the place, to serve for a bit then leave...it was clearly their place and they were trying to figure out who/what/why we were - it was tangible, in the air.

the awkwardness was shattered when a little boy named Noah (if I recall correctly) ran up and just started giving huge (for him) hugs with his little 2 yr old arms.  A bundle of joy and a huge smile, he cracked the ice and flipped the dial from awkward to OMG I'm going to cry.  From that little dude radiated a love and an equal measure of "PLEASE LOVE ME!" that it was painful and the utmost joy at the same time. He ran around from person to person, smashing us open in a matter of minutes.

The other kids gradually did the same but in a more rote fashion, out of obligation more than affection but we had already crossed the line.  We were ready to love on these kids in any way we knew how...and we did.

We intuitively split into two groups - most of the women went to work with the kids - teaching them to brush and floss their teeth, singing and doing crafts with them...just loving on them and getting to know them.  Most of the men gravitated toward one of the 3 physical labor projects - starting to chip away at the areas of the concrete floor that were damaged and eventually repairing them, replacing a few toilets that had stopped working and building a new structure up the hill from the orphanage which they would use for church gatherings, devotions and storage. None of the work was easy and only a few of the group had done much work in those fields but we all charged in with as much energy as we could muster.

As we worked, the kids in the orphanage continued to feel us out.  There were 56 kids in the orphanage ranging from babies (3 mos old) to 17 with two older girls of 22 and 27 that needed special care and were not ready to be on their own.  Bear in mind that this place was run by an older married couple - just two of them - and they were making do.  Two people can only go so far.  thinking back to my posh setup at home where Sokny and I occasionally struggle with just our two boys, I couldnt imagine doing life full time, 24/7, 365 with 50+ kids.  It's just insane. On top of that, they don't get any support from the government.  From what I could discern while we were down there, they raised funds from the community via a sign posted at the entrance to their property that solicited donations as well as likely significant funding from another western church based organization.  Needless to say, they struggle.  Their meals were much the same as what an average guatemalan eats - black beans, tortillas and on good days, meat.  While we were there, we saw a few cow heads that they were butchering and cooking as well as a few other odds and ends that have likely never made it to my table in the US.

Anyhow...the kids were everywhere.  some played, some did crafts, some sang and ran around but others wanted to work. It felt like they were yearning for that father figure.  To learn a trade, to do something well and to be commended for it.  To learn, to love and to be loved.  It was tough and I struggled with this.  I'm very task focused and for a long time, I was getting frustrated by them as they constantly grabbed any spare tools and started banging, scraping, and just being in the mix of the work.  I'm admittedly slow in this area and it took one of our younger team members - Tim - to sit down and be patient with a few of the boys as they painted on some of the primer for the concrete for me to realize that we were not just here to work (as I said, I'm not the brightest...even when on a trip built for us to serve).  After getting over my frustration at the fact that the job would take 3 times as long with the kids helping, I saw how he was mentoring them, loving them and teaching them. They just wanted to be near us, to help, to be validated and Tim did that.

With that example, we all started pulling the kids into the work.  Fathering, mentoring, teaching and just spending time with the boys that wanted to get their hands dirty.  We ripped out toilets, they helped carry the left overs out of the building.  We chiseled concrete, they held the chisel.  We cleaned up bathroom floors that were in dire need of cleaning...they were in there with us.  On it went, side by side.

2015 Guatemala: building a new community

Waking up in the morning in Lanquin revealed an amazing valley. because our group is so large, they put some of us in the overflow housing which was a 5 minute ride up the hill.  it looked like what would be the retirement house on the hill for whoever owns the little hotel place we're staying at.  Right on top of the hill overlooking fruit tree orchards and the entire valley.  270 degree views of lush green hills, accented by darker pockets of rainforest.

After taking time over the last few days to acclimate to the Guatemalan culture and get to know the team a little,  this was to be a time for us to crack the ice and play together but first - breakfast.  we walked down the dirt road a kilometer or so to the main hotel area then down to the community area on the river.  The morning light revealed that the river was wide and flowing with a power that we just don't see out on the south west coast of the US.  So much water, moving in a living, churning mass with a tiny waterfall trickling down on the opposite bank.

As the team trickled down to the breakfast area, the buzz about the day began to circulate.  This was to be a day of play with the team with the first item on the agenda being a float session down the river in inner tubes. In my head, I began to question the water quality of said river but quickly learned that this river came straight out of the earth - literally.  The river swelled up from an underground cave which we would be exploring later in the day.

I rushed to finish my breakfast and eagerly boarded the truck that would take us up to the start of the river and our tubing adventure.  After getting used to the area a bit, jumping into the chilly river washed any hesitations about the trip away.  Emotions ebbing and flowing between being on vacation and a nervous anticipation of the work to come moving through me as we began to drift down the river in tubes.  Laughter and levity...taking in the beauty and splendor of God's creation...being God's children filled with Joy, ready.

In the moment, I loved it but thinking about it after reaching the shore, these moments of pure joy weighed heavy on me.  "did we come here for a vacation? this is too much fun...when are we going to do some real work? This is not what I signed up for!" but looking back at the end of the trip, I realized that these first days were crucial to first helping us unwind from our lives back in the states, to connect with our new team and fall in love with the country of Guatemala.  These days helped us to live, talk, speak, breathe, eat in the NOW.  to BE on the trip...to remember that we are God's creation, living for Him...but that those moments are held in tension with being God's child.  to experience the people, places and things that He built for us and revel in them.  to be joyful, happy, to love, to emote... and yeah, the journey we travelled individually and as our new team was crazy! 10 hours in a bus or SUV with no cellphones, laptops or bubble zap games to distract made for some great talking time...great time to dig into what each of us is about...to remember that we are all down here for a reason and to share our passions.  why are you here?  why am I here?  what has God done in my life / what is God doing in my life / what do we hope God is doing in us down here?  we collectively travelled not just the windy, dusty, bumpy rainforest roads but also the windy, scary, fun, hidden paths in eachothers lives. we shared and listened...dreamed and bubbled over...laughed and cried a bit together. community...shaping...connecting...wow.

The river really was great.  I couldnt get enough of it...even after getting off the tubes for the next group to run down the river I spent the downtime running up the river then floating down...swimming across exploring, jumping, splashing...oh the joy!  it was as if I were a boy again just taking it in.

When everyone had made it down the river, we jumped in the cars and headed off for part two of our adventure for the day - Semuc Champey.  I didnt really understand what this place was having unintentionally left my itinerary in my hotel room in Antigua...I embraced the not-knowing and just rolled with it...and this place blew my socks off!  ok, I wasnt wearing socks but I really did enjoy this place.  We started with a 1km hike to the base of some beautiful falls along a raging river...

then split off for the overlook.  Basically climbing up the side of the valley, we quickly gained elevation until finally emerging at a beautiful overlook with the pools of Semuc Champey glistening below.

Semuc is a unique place in the river where the raging mass of the river actually goes underground (a FREAKY sight!!)

The pools that Semuc is known for are actually above this section...where yet more water streams down from the valley and forests above into natural limestone pools with a very mellow flow of water and gentle falls.  Pictures just don't do it justice but here are a few of mine and stock online pics to share some of the beauty:

 We enjoyed lunch at Semuc and had time for an awesome baptism of a few team members - Ariana and Paul.  It was a beautiful afternoon in a heavenly setting.  As the afternoon began winding down, we started our hike back to the vehicles.

Semuc is a local gem and as such, has it's share of tourism though the remote locale helps keep this number down.  Because there is a lot of cacao grown in the area, local kids can be seen selling pucks of chocolate - fresh roasted and ground up with sugar and flavors. I bought way too many of these and ended up eating a similarly indulgent number but it was just too good.  We hopped back on the SUVs with a few on the roof for good measure and headed back to Lanquin.

The final adventure for the evening was exploring the aforementioned "start of the river".  In reality, this was a few things...the cave where the river comes blasting out of the earth, an underground grotto with fast flowing water (ie, dangerous/don't get pulled under or you die/freezing straight-from-the-earth water) and oh yeah, home to 23 million (plus or minus a few thousand) fruit bats and they were just waking up.  We hike up into the cave along a well defined path (assuming you had a headlamp and we did) about a kilometer before stopping and turning out the lights. Our pal Hugo explained that the Mayans believed this was a holy place where they could pray to the spirits of the underworld. It was essentially an altar and one that was still in use as evidenced by the plethora of candles and soot that lined the walls and ceiling.  It was intense and after some history, we turned out all the lights and sung a few worship songs.  It was an intense pitch black...one that we almost never see.  No stars, no lights, nothing...just black.  our song echoed through the caverns, augmented by the flight of the waking bats.  They fluttered about as we let everything go...nerves on edge by the history of this place...the intense dark...the days events preceding this...and the anticipation of what was to come...and just belted out a few worship songs.  Intense...check out the pic:

Just kidding...but seriously...it was can't-see-the-hand-in-front-of-your-face dark. After some soothing silence, we hiked back down and split off on an offshoot climbing down a guano covered offshoot down to the grotto.  It was neat seeing the water flowing out of one wall then under a ledge on the other side of the small chamber but I had no desire to get in the water.  A few of the team did and spread lit candles around the chamber.

After the intensity of the grotto and the caverns, I was excited to be near the exit of the caverns again. As dusk turned into night, we sat at the exit of the caverns as the bats rushed out to feed on whatever fruit they could find.  I was blown away by the sheer volume of animals leaving and exhausted from a packed full day of adventure.

The next morning, we packed up and headed out to what would be the majority of the trip, work and emotion in Machaquila...

2015 Guatemala day 1-2: unpacking

Prologue...
I had planned to blog realtime in/from Guatemala but my laptop decided that it didnt want to work for the vast majority of the trip.  As such, I'll be unpacking and sharing the adventure after the fact in a series of blog posts.  This first post is the only one that I was able to write realtime...after just 2 days in country...as I was beginning to unwind from normal life and connect with the team.

...Unpacking..

so Guatemala

we have been here two days now and now it’s starting to feel like we’re on the cusp of doing some work. The first day we understandably took the day to recover as our red eye flight brought us into the area at 7am we started with a nice breakfast then headed back to check into our hotel for the night.  After a short time and a bit of exploring Antigua, we boarded the bus and cars and headed up to an overlook of Antigua which was framed by a nice old cross with the Volcan de Agua in the background.  It was a nice way to let the fact that we were in Guatemala start to soak in.  

I fell asleep for a bit on the way up which was a great way to start to catch up on much needed sleep. After some time at the lookout, we drove through Antigua and up a steep set of switchbacks up to our lunch spot which was amazing.  it also featured an overlook of the city but from the other side of the valley.  the restaurant itself was a farm to table setup with the farm on premises - the restaurant was situated in the middle of the farm with fruit and vegetables growing all around. 

The afternoon rains hit as our food arrived so we migrated off of the amazing overlook patio to the safety of a higher, covered patio…then the rain really started coming in and with an amazing display of lightning and thunder which was quite the sight as it lanced across the valley, booming along the way.  We started opening up conversations with the members of the team - getting to know each other in baby steps as is so often the case for introverts like myself.  The combination of not having constant connectivity…distractions that we so often overlook in our lives back in the states and the content face time with each other made talking the natural thing to do.  

Slowly realizing that we are all here to do the same thing…to experience the same thing…to do the same work…to just let God work in us, through us and among us is a powerful connecting force and opened into discussions, blossoming relationships that are just the beginnings of foundations that will strengthen our church, the kingdom and each other. 

We had more time to explore the city then wandered down to the Whiskey Den - a local establishment owned by one of the many partnerships forged in the early days of Bryan and Wayne’s travels to Guat. Not my thing but I found a nice ice cream place to grab a scoop to pass the time. Dinner was another nice spot around the corner and more of a calorie filling formality as we were all exhausted to the point of wanting to skip altogether but for the simple need of calories. 

Finally returning to our rooms, I showered and changed…washing my clothes in the shower with me then retiring to post the days pics and check for messages on google. 

I started the day early and walked out into Antigua for some early exploring.  Everyone else was still sleeping so I found a few places online that looked interesting, checked the map and headed out.  Both spots were closed so I just ended up making rounds, getting familiar with the layout and grabbing some bread to accompany the cafe from the hotel lobby. Made for a nice break from the team which is something I need to be intentional about to let my brain sort through things and also got some semblance of a workout in. 

After breakfast, we packed up and headed out towards our destination for the day - Lanquin. Infrequent breaks were mandatory for a group our size but we finally ended up making it to the destination around 830pm or so. Lots of driving…some dirt roads and a few folks riding on the roofs of the 3 SUVs, highlighting the potholes and random bats flying about as we descended into the valley of…something. 

It was pitch black as we arrived at what now feels like paradise.  We are setup at a hostel built up the slope of a steep riverside with the community room overlooking the river.  a fantastic dinner was setup for us with tons of flavorful vegetarian options over candlelight.  

Walking down onto the dock on the river reveals a fast moving REAL river with LOTS of water that we’re going to attempt to ride down in inner tubes tomorrow.  Kinda freaky not knowing what’s in there but whatever…not the first not the last small challenge…let’s do this!  

Bug spray is our friend down here as the mosquitos are drawn to the water and the bats to the mosquitos.  No internet here tonight…i guess they shut it off at night or something so updates will have to wait but that’s ok.  feels like and sounds like a club here as the team unwinds and mingles…letting the cares of life wash away. 

It’s great knowing that sokny and the boys are hanging out in philly right now…a great distraction for them and a great parallel adventure.  Time for some more water and downtime then sleep…somewhere...eventually.

2014 Mercedes B-Class ED Review - the first month

Making the Switch 

A month ago, my wife and I traded in our aging gasmobile for the newly introduced 2014 Mercedes B-Class Electric Drive EV.  I considered myself to be an educated EV consumer but still had quite a few learnings - some good, some bad - in the first month with our EV. Though the majority of our learnings were not related to the car itself, but more generically to the transition from a gasmobile to an EV, that’s where I’ll start.

Home Charging

Charging up your EV at home is one of the great benefits of EVs as it means that there is no need to stop at a gas station anymore!  The Level 2 “charger” most EV buyers think they need for their garage is not actually a charger (The actual charger is onboard the EV itself), but rather an EVSE or “Electric Vehicle Supply Equipment” which is just a fancy term for the hardware that 1) Provides the right connection from your local power source to your EV and 2) Talks back and forth with your EV through the charging process. In our case, as with most EVs in the US, our charger has the J1772 plug on it which plugs directly into the charging port of our B-Class. 

Level 2 residential chargers range from $600-$1000+ and after a bit of research, we went with the Schneider Electric EV230WS for $599 (it has since dropped to $488) from Amazon because it was rated very highly and allowed us to mount the charging end separately from the actual EVSE unit.  This unit also allowed us to put a standard 30amp plug on it vs. hardwiring it which allowed us to use our existing 220 volt dryer outlet. 

It is not necessary to install a Level 2 EVSE in your home to charge your EV - you can use the 110 adapter that is included with the EV but we wanted the extra flexibility to more quickly charge up and to have the option to keep the 110 charger in the car at all times, just in case.

Remote Charging

In the first few weeks of getting our EV, we wanted to charge every opportunity we had.  Range anxiety is all the rage in mainstream media so plugging in everywhere we possibly could just felt good.  We soon realized that this was counterproductive as there’s simply no need to charge when popping out for dinner or to grab some groceries.  It also blocks a spot for other EV drivers who might be farther away from home and need the spot to charge. On top of that, most public charging stations require payment whereas home charging is powered by our solar panels (free! with our California net metering).

To offset our increased electrical usage, we will be adding several more solar panels to our current installation to fully offset our increased usage.  The B-Class is one of the least efficient EVs on the market in terms of miles per kWh with its rating of 2.5. mi/kwh  In our first 750 miles, our actual average is 2.9 mi/kwh and based on that, we will need another 7.6 panels to power our EV for the estimated 8900 miles/year we drive. We are already producing more than we need, so we will be adding 5 panels next month to put us back in the green.

One unique challenge EV owners have is the large variety of charging networks out there.  After test driving a few charging network apps, we have found that the crowdsourced PlugShare app (Web, iOS, Android) has the best overview of the entire public charging network and includes chargers from many of the big networks like Charge Point, Blink, EV Connect and NRG’s eVgo as well as personal charging locations! Wanting to build capability and make the most of our EV, we have signed up for several different charging networks - each of which has it’s own unique way to charge - some with set monthly fees, others with a price per kWh or per hour, etc. It’s been an interesting process but the net takeaway is that here in Southern California, there are lots of chargers in lots of areas we frequent. 

To date, we have only charged at Level 2 chargers but plan to give Level 3 / DC Fast Charging a go in the next few weeks. Plug-In America has a great overview of EV charging here that I found especially helpful.

Exterior

Digging in to our specific EV - the Mercedes-Benz B-Class Electric Drive - it looks and feels a lot like a normal car. In fact, this is the same B-Class that has been sold overseas as a gas mobile for many years, with the same exterior and interior with the exception of the minuscule “Electric Drive” badge. As an EV/Solar/Sustainability fanatic, this is one of the things I was not a fan of as I want our EV to roam the streets screaming “No gas needed, thanks” or “Suckers…I’m running on sunshine”…but alas, it was not to be. Some drivers (my wife included) just want a nice looking “normal” looking car which just happens to be an EV and the B-Class is a perfect fit. 

Interior

In our search for the right EV, we found the B-Class seating to be the most balanced for our needs.  The front seats felt a bit less roomy when compared to the BMW i3 whereas the rear seats had MUCH more room than the i3. The B-Class seats 5 while the i3 opted for in seat cupholders, reducing it’s capacity to 4.  Finally, the rear seats in the i3 are accessed through the split door which requires the front door to open before the rear passengers can enter/exit.  As we have two little boys (3 and 5), I was not thrilled at the prospect of their nagging at me to open my door before they get in or out each and every time. Check out a more thorough comparison of the two in Ted Kidd’s review here.

Under the Hood

While the B-Class looks and feels like a normal car, when you pop the hood, things change. The B-Class’ electric motor, batteries, charger and supporting EV systems are all made by Tesla, shipped from the US to Germany for assembly. While I’m not a car fanatic (at least not the gas powered ones), I feel a sense of pride that Mercedes came to a US company for their first EV.  This was a feature on the plus side for me as Tesla is making waves in the EV world and I’m happy to be a part of that revolution.

Driving the B-Class

With the normal looking exterior, the accelerator of the B-Class houses a fun secret - instant torque! This is difficult to put into words for non-EV drivers but suffice it to say that the accelerator on this (and most other) EVs is responsive.  When you step on the pedal, it jumps. Continued pressure results in a very smooth acceleration up to whatever speed you desire.  I occasionally treat my kids to a ride on the roller coaster and pound the pedal down to the ground on the way to pre-school resulting in what feels like a quick boost on a roller coaster. Granted, they’re too young for coasters at this point, but the sentiment is spot on.

The B-Class has 3 driving modes - Sport, Economy and Economy Plus.  Sport offers the most responsive accelerator with a corresponding reduction in range as a penalty for the fun had when driving.  In Sport, the B-Class has no problem chirping the tires off the line or even from 15 mph if that’s your thing. I personally try to put it in Economy Plus right off the bat which maximizes mileage and minimizes my risk of extra traffic tickets. It’s fun to drive in all 3 driving modes and it’s great to have the option for a different driving experience at the click of a button.

Range

As I mentioned, this particular configuration results in the least efficient EV when compared to others available today with an MPGe rating of 85/83 with most others coming in at 100+.  This is largely due to the fact that the B-Class was not built from the ground up as an EV but rather a converted gas mobile.  This is most evident in the weight - at 3935 lbs, the B-Class is no featherweight.  For comparison, the BMW i3 which was purpose built as an EV comes in at 2853 lbs (without the Range Extender). The B-Class pays a further penalty for being a former gasmobile as extra battery capacity was required to haul around the extra mass.  The B-Class’ battery is rated at

One neat thing about EVs is the Regen…short for regeneration - where the car uses the car’s momentum to generate electricity when braking.  This is old hat for Prius owners as this technology has been the bread and butter of hybrid battery charging for years now but this EV takes it to a new level.  When you’re driving along and accelerating, the car drives as you’d expect, pulling power from the battery to the motor…but the second you take your release pressure, the regen kicks in and begins charging the battery, slowing the vehicle.  It’s an odd feeling at first but after a short time driving, feels natural.  It gives a new degree of control over acceleration and deceleration with a single pedal.  The regen is so strong that it will slow the vehicle down almost to a stop without the need for brakes, putting all that kinetic energy back into your battery. 

What’s great about regen is that it extends the real-time range of the B-Class beyond it’s battery-only range of 87 miles. Just how much of an extension depends on personal driving style and terrain (hills vs flat, freeway speeds vs stop and go driving, etc).  We live up on a hill and regularly make it to the freeway onramp 3 miles away with an extra mile of range. Conversely, we have a ~1000’ climb on the freeway that across 2 miles, zaps 5-6 miles from our range.

Cost Savings

One of the big selling points for us was the monthly cost savings and being a bit of a data nut, I was eager to track our savings – both financially and in the sheer reduction in dinosaur goo (aka gasoline) usage. My calculations showed that we would save approximately $100 / month of our $130 gasmobile fuel bill. Having solar panels on the roof, I was excited to see how much of our driving would be offset by our current overproduction and how many more panels we would need to fully offset our EV usage. 

For my calculations, I used the actual production averages from our existing 12 panels over the last 12 months and used that to estimate the number of panels needed to cover 8,000 miles of driving per year (Low) and 12,000 miles per year (High). The chart below shows that in Southern California, the annual output from 1 panel on the roof is roughly equivalent to 1,000 miles/year in the Mercedes B-Class ED.

Estimated Usage and Savings

I have split the “savings” into EV savings which represents the savings in moving from a gasmobile to electricity at retail rates and the savings from the solar panels which get to claim savings from not having to pay the retail rate for electricity, as part of their own return on investment.

Savings in the last 3.5 weeks of November:

Summary

Overall, we are thrilled with the B-Class.  We went into our EV purchase with our eyes open about the pros and cons of EVs and couldn’t be more pleased.  We filed for the $2,500 California state rebate which will show up in 6-8 weeks and will be including the $7,500 federal tax credit in our 2014 tax return.  The Mercedes B-Class felt like a great value for a Mercedes when compared to other the after-rebate prices of the other EVs on the market.

Let's Do Boxing Day Instead

Christmas has become tired for me for some time now.  It's an endless parade of gifts for everyone under the sun...senseless, impersonal and empty (for the most part).  It should be just a kids holiday, filled with cheer and wonder, joy and family.  In fact, that's what I'm going to make it.  I'm only doing Christmas for the kids this year.  This is their holiday.  Their time to relish in the season, the stories and the gifts. 

I don't want anything and to be truthful, I mainly don't want the burden of having to get gifts for others. I don't want others carrying that burden around either. That's not a fun, loving, family holiday...that's tension. and who wants more of that?  Not this guy.  

Building on that, I think we should flip this year's holiday season the other way.  We should not focus on the selfish receipt of gifts and charity from others, but on giving and helping...loving on others. Many do this already, but not me.  I suppose I'm just late to the game...a late bloomer in this and many areas of my life. 

Reduce, Reuse THEN Recycle

We have it wrong folks...we have been doing things with our minds flipped backwards for too long so I'm going to take a minute and straighten a few things out.  This whole Reduce, Reuse, Recycle thing has been mixed up.  I was basically raised to think that the little triangle of arrows meant recycle.  We didnt talk the reduce or reuse parts, but those are the most important!  We can't get where we need to go by just recycling...we have to start with steps 1 and 2.  So let's dig in to it...

Before cutting straight to the "throw it in the blue bin" part, we first need to back things up to the store...to your house where stuff gets used and/or tossed in the trash.  Grocery bags are a good example...these are very handy when you're leaving the store, unpacking the basket into the car and then from the car into the house...then, after that 30 minutes of use, we are often done with them.  I know what you're saying "no, no...that's not the end of their use.  I use them as trash bags".  Yes, you are still hitting on number 2 - reuse...but reduce comes first.  These are extraneous. They don't add value but come at an extreme cost.  We use TONS of these things (which are made from petrol) and they all end up in the trash.  Non compostable, essentially non biodegradable...just trash.  Terrible.  There are tons of stats out there, but this isn't my point.  My point is that instead of recycling them (which many stores now offer), or reusing them (which is better than tossing them)...we should first strive to eliminate the need for them...and other things that aren't necessary. Start with thinking about how you can reduce what you consume, then optimize by reusing and if necessary, recycling.

This was the philosophy on which I'm gradually optimizing our home energy usage and yes, it's ok that it's a process. Life is a process and we're all at various stages along the journey but what's great is that it's a win win...the more you learn, the less you consume overall, the more you re-use and the less you recycle (though you're hopefully still recycling a higher % of your overall consumption than previously). So yeah...think about "waste" in your life...things that you could live without or "reduce" your consumption of and do it.  Remember....Reduce, Reuse THEN Recycle :)

The Life Efficiency Consultant

Continuing along my journey towards self realization and onward towards an overall more efficienct and sustainable lifestyle, I feel that I have happened upon a title that roughly summarizes a job that I would enjoy.  The "Life Efficiency Consultant".  Y'see...I dont like charging people for things that I'm passionate about and that generally works.  What's beautiful about improving the efficiency/sustainability of one's life is that it generally comes with cost savings.  Assuming the customer is actually interested in making changes...installing PV Solar Panels have a very attractive ROI...replacing the daily commute machine with a motorized bicycle...aka scooter saves substantial money...replacing incandescent light bulbs with compact flourescent bulbs or better yet LED bulbs pays for the bulbs very quickly and saves tons of money in electricity.  I documented my own expenditures and savings and everything paid itself off within a few months and since making the initial improvements, I have gradually been moving from CFLs to LED bulbs, starting with the high usage areas of the house.

So yeah...life efficiency consultant.  That's me.  Not quite anything I would call a part time job or even a formal engagement at this point, but definitely something I can do and will gladly help anyone do for free.  Paying too much for your monthly electricity/natural gas/gasoline bill?  Hit me up.  I love this stuff. I'm not the master of any specific area but from what I've experienced and read...a few quick and easy changes that come at almost no lifestyle cost can vastly improve the efficiency and sustainability of your life.

Cheers!

home efficiency

one of the things that has always attracted me to the idea of sustainability is that for the most part, it's is a cost savings.  if your car gets more MPG, you spend less on gas to go the same distance. if you replace traditional incandescent bulbs with LED bulbs at home, you spend WAY less on electricity and typically save what the new bulbs cost in the first year. if you install solar panels on your roof, in 5-11 years (depending on if you go the DIY route or have someone engineer and install your system), it pays out and you are rocking on clean, free energy.

In that sense, sustainability resonates with a lot of who I am and how I operate...not to mention the environmental benefits of burning less gas in your car, using less electricity to light your home or generating clean, free energy from the sun vs coal, natural gas, nuclear or other not-so-pleasant means of producing electricity.

When we moved in to our new home, upgrading bulbs, reducing lawn watering times and installing more insulation were just a few of the things I did as we were still unpacking.  It just made sense to me.  As such, our 1760 sq ft house started off with a monthly electric bill of $60/mo...in California where we pay $.12/kwh off peak and $.14 peak power rates...much higher than much of the rest of the country.  So here, it just makes sense to make our homes as efficient as possible, then offset whatever we do use with solar panels. It blows my mind how many folks out there pay upwards of $150/month on power bills.  I really dont know where the power goes but it seems that most people have just adapted to spending tons of money on power.

Maybe this is my niche...I'm passionate about improving the efficiency of homes.  After a few months of working through the house on my own, I looked up and found a company that performs home energy assessments and spent $300 for two guys to come into my house for a few hours and check the efficiency of seals, look for opportunities to better insulate my house, upgrade windows, etc.  They were basically a front end for a construction company who saw efficiency as a means of entry for their construction business.  Good idea...but they didnt turn up a lot that wasnt pretty obvious on the surface.  Be sure that your doors and windows seal (which they didnt do a good job of identifying), seal your attic from your living space including all upper floor outlets (which can leak air to/from the attic vertically) etc etc...

I suppose what keeps me from wanting to move forward with this in a business sense is that the reason I want to do it is to educate people and to help them understand how easy it is to make huge improvements in their home energy utilization...taking home efficiency to the next level.  Home energy usage makes up ~22% of total energy consumption per the EIA (http://www.eia.gov/consumption/) with the average home using over 11kwh/year so that's a pretty significant chunk of the power we generate each year.  Reducing usage is a great first step at making our way of life sustainable and that all starts with education :)

Sustainability - Reduce

This week was a good week in terms of reducing our family carbon and water footprint, accomplishing several reasonable sized projects that had been on my list for quite some time:

• This past weekend, I installed a new dishwasher.  Our old dishwasher had stopped working and seeing as how newer dishwashers are more energy efficient - our new dishwasher is estimated to only use $20/year in energy - and use less water, it was a win-win for the family.  On top of that, most modern dishwashers actually use less water and heat energy than washing the dishes by hand.  This is likely not true for me as I am very stingy with the water when doing dishes...but in general, installing a modern dishwasher is a good way to reduce your household energy and water consumption. 
• New (to me) Electric Dryer - Some friends of mine had recently moved into a new place and didn't have a need for their old electric dryer.  By old, I mean almost brand new :).  It was roughly 2 years old and in great shape.  You might be thinking "you dummy, everyone knows that gas dryers are more energy efficient from a total energy standpoint" and I couldn't agree more. It is definitely more cost effective to dry clothes with natural gas vs. electricity however, I cannot create natural gas at home whereas with solar, I can generate free, clean electricity dang near every day of the year which allows me to dry my clothes for free with an electric dryer...assuming I can offset the electricity used by our new dryer.  It did require running a new 30amp/220 circuit and installing a special 30a outlet in our garage which was a bit of a hassle but we made it work and now it's drying clothes like a champ.  Electric dryers use between 2 and 6kwhs/load so it will cost us $.12*5.6kwh = $.67/load until we offset that usage with solar.  
• New home LED light bulbs - When we moved into our home a little over 2 years ago, one of the first things I did was to install compact flourescent light (CFL) bulbs everywhere.  On average, this provided a home energy usage reduction of over 75%...moving from 60 watt incandescent bulbs to 13 watt CFLs, from 40 watt bulbs to 9 watt CFLs and so on.  I also bought some cheap 1.5 watt LED bulbs and replaced the 8 decorative lights out front of our hose with them.  The previous owner had already swapped them out for CFLs running at 13 watts but it was still almost a 90% reduction in usage.  These improvements already left us in pretty good shape in terms of power usage with our average monthly bill coming in at just over $50/month.  To continue that improvement trend and to move away from CFLs which contain mercury vapor and have to be disposed of as hazardous waste, I have been slowly purchasing LED bulbs, testing newer technologies, better brands and more recently at lower price points.  With this latest order of home supplies, I added in 2 Cree 6 Watt LED bulbs to the mix.  These are 40 watt equivalent bulbs but I was replacing 15 watt CFLs with them, so it was still a reasonable improvement.  These bulbs are the first by a mainstream manufacturer that are under the $10/bulb price point (at $9.97ea) which is a big deal for the industry.  Cree is one of the leading manufacturers of LED modules and make a lot of modules for flashlights, expensive home retrofit kits and similar products. I have been placing the LED bulbs in our areas of highest usage, starting with the living room and now working my way back to the kitchen where I placed these 2 new bulbs.  They are putting out enough light and are instant on vs CFLs which do not come on at full brightness...taking a few minutes to warm up before they get to full strength.  Another energy win for the house :).
• Electric Lawn Mower - This is actually a net energy increase for our house...when we first moved in, I was a bit too optimistic and bought a push mower without thinking about 2 critical factors - our yard is not small...in fact it is fairly large for this part of california. We have covered some of it with a patio extension and installed some "eco-lawn" but it's still a lot to do with a push mower.  This resulted in the yard not getting mowed which is bad press for any husband.  I finally got around to taking action and ordered a new black n decker electric mower.  This again is not in line with the norm which would be a gas mower...but as with our dryer, I can (and am already doing so) generate electricity for free whereas I have to buy and burn gas.  Win for the environment and win for my husband cred...though that does mean I'll be spending this weekend mowing :)
• Removed Wine Fridge - This one cost me major relationship cred.  With all of the electrical work needed to setup the new 30 amp / 220 volt circuit for the house, I took the opportunity to pull out the wine fridge that came with our house.  We aren't wine drinkers and were basically using it for storage with a bottle of champagne, some dessert wine and the requisite bottle of chardonnay sitting around on top of which we had tossed 2 cases of Starbucks coffee drink leftovers from a recent family get together.  As it was a built in, I pulled it out leaving a gap in our cabinet facing.  We need to find something to put in there and I know I'll be taking flak until then but it was the right thing to do and reduced our energy footprint further. 

Overall, I'm very happy with the progress we made this week as it was the culmination of lots of work, planning and saving and ready to get on with the next items on the list.  Next up: 5 (or 7) more solar panels for the roof.  I broke our solar purchase and installation up into 3 phases to slowly move us over to solar power while also waiting for the massive cost improvements in the solar industry to kick in (while also riding the last few years of the 30% federal tax credit on solar systems installed that are over 1kw).  These next 5 or 7 panels will more than double our solar generation and crank out more green energy to the grid.