Wednesday, August 31, 2005

strange parallels (ported from myspace)

It seems that my frustrations on "the futility of life" were echoed in the Ecclesiastes Ch 1:
1:1 The words of the Teacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem:

Introduction: Utter Futility

2 “Futile! Futile!” laments the Teacher, “Absolutely futile! Everything is futile!”

Futility Illustrated from Nature

3 What benefit do people get from all the effort which they expend on earth? 4 A generation comes and a generation goes, but the earth remains the same through the ages. 5 The sun rises and the sun sets, it hurries away to a place from which it rises again. 6 The wind goes to the south and circles around to the north, round and round the wind goes and on its rounds it returns. 7 All the streams flow into the sea, but the sea is not full, and to the place where the streams flow, there they will flow again. 8 All this monotony is tiresome; no one can bear to describe it: The eye is never satisfied with seeing, nor is the ear ever content with hearing. 9 What exists now is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done; there is nothing truly new on earth. 10 Is there anything about which someone can say, “Look at this! It is new!”? It was already done long ago, before our time. 11 No one remembers the former events, nor will anyone remember the events that are yet to happen; they will not be remembered by the future generations.

Currently listening:
In Your Honor
By Foo Fighters
Release date: 14 June, 2005

Thursday, August 25, 2005

no time for a name (ported from myspace)

so yeah....another day here at wonderful P n' G. today's thursday...just another thursday, i guess. i have transitioned into my new role...i am officially the "Supply Module Industrial Engineer"...for whatever that's worth. I'm sure it will at least look good on a resume some day. as far as the actual work...i'm passing on everything that I know...everything that i'm familiar with...on to my predecessor and venturing into the unknown of higher level analysis. what a good time. has been frustrating, with the slim amount of training that I chose to receive. it was almost a choice and almost not. the days before thailand when i was not available for training (as I had 8 days to get my replacement ready for a 2 week stint of holding down the fort alone), the woman that I was replacing wanted to train me...and of course, on the flip side, when I had 2hrs available for time to be trainined in, the woman that i was replacing decided to come sauntering in at 10..short-timer's was bordering on hilarity...but not so much. anyways...i'm here...i'm it...and at the end of 8hrs, i will go home again, hopefully just that much closer to another raise that will bring me that much closer to another, higher, more removed from the real business here, but also, that much closer to the retirement that everyone wants, that always seems to come too fast...that we are all just blowing through life trying to get to. it's kinda sick when you actually take the time to think about it. we are really like little mice trapped in a maze...but the carrot isnt just around the, not in this wonderful society of ours. we have this complex where, when we get what we were seeking...we are sated, but only for a short time. say you work 3 hours of overtime / wk (after tax, yielding about 40 bucks/week) to save up for this special cell phone that you wanted. then, say that after the requisite 8 weeks (allowing for some human error with the finances) of extra hours and less time being spent at home, the money is finally saved and the phone is purchased. then, the waiting begins and the inevitable frustration at the ever-elusive ebayer in the-middle-of-no-where, pennsylvania for not shipping the phone. so, after the 8 WEEKS of laboring, another 8 days are spent in utter frustration (at some random guy who's just trying to make a buck, so he can buy his kid the mp3 player that HE wants). the phone finally shows up..and the excitement begins...WEE!!...three days of excitement....not wanting to fall asleep, for fear of the phone mysteriously being gone in the morning, for no particular reason other than that the phone seems to good to be is finally mine!! yay! having achieved that goal, we are once again in search of a goal worth pursuing...what part of the american dream am I missing that joe schmoe has? what am i lacking in my life that someone else has (materially speaking, of course)? and so goes on top of the other...never to be satisfied. i am convinced that retirement will be much the same bag of tricks that society has programmed us with. now there has to be a point to a lengthy blathering such as this...(not that i always strive to make a point, but today, i'm feeling a little more quixotic that usual) are YOU here for? i really struggled with that for quite some time. i really didnt know that i was struggling with it at the time, but really...when you are in perpetual need of a vacation and are mentally, emotionally and underneath it all, spiritually exhausted at all times...maybe something is not quite so anyways...i went on this road trip back in october 04...i had planned to drive up to canada with a good buddy of mine...(y'all know Mike, right?)...but it didnt work out (apparently, new babies and wives can have that affect on a guy) i decided to push on through and go on the trip all by my lonesome. it sounded like a crazy idea...felt like a crazy idea...but as i said, i was drained...tired of being drained and not knowing how to dig my way out. so anyways...i drove. and drove...and drove and get the point. i think i put about 4000 miles on my sorta new ford focus in those 7 days. it was ridiculous. i spend so much time being frustrated with myself...sleeping in the car because i missed the campsite closing time by a few was a great experience. we learn a lot about ourselves through struggles like that. so...after quite a few nights and days of struggles, i found myself in washington. northwestern washington, as a matter of fact. i was driving up the western side of the puget sound, back up and around towards olympic national park and on through to the pacific coastline. i had just had my first success of the trip, after having found an actual open campsite in canada. it was great! but anyhow...i was just recoving from a brutal session of struggling with myself and the realities of an unplanned roadtrip and i saw this little church. (aside: for those of you that arent as familar with me as you could be, i went to church from 0-18, under a strict family mandate (it really wasnt that bad...but i was a lil rebel). after that time, i skipped the routine and found my own way around town on sundays. i had only been to church of my own volition once since the great transition to adulthood.) this little church, for whatever reason, called out to me and i had this feeling like i should start attending church again. (for those of you that have read my earlier blogs, this is all probably just review). so yeah...since then, i have been going to church regularly and found my way to thailand on a missions trip that my family and friends supported me in a way that i could never even have dreamed. i found a wonderful girlfriend that also follows God and we are treading the path that God has cut out for us. i'm not even saying that everything is lilly's and roses and the like, but it has definitely been a long journey for me and it has been totally amazing seeing how God has been working in so many different people's lives to bring me to him. there are so many things that seem like they are just random events in life, but God is behind it all. God has his hand in all of our lives, he listens to all prayers and delivers fantastically on them. anyways...this has drawn on for quite some time and i don't think that i really put the seal on this chapter, but it was a good effort, for sure. until next time...later!

Currently listening:
A Rush of Blood to the Head
By Coldplay
Release date: 27 August, 2002