Current mood: awake
really dont know sometimes...my mind just flies...i wish i had some sort of control of the throttle...but i know it's really not just me...it's more a matter of where the thoughts are coming from...sometimes, God fills my head...it's just full, loud and flowing...most of the time, it's jumbled words...but i rarely have energy or at least, i rarely allocate energy towards random thought. tired much of the time...regardless of the quantity of sleep...just tired. "tired becomes me" :P
i am so selfish with my spare time when i start feeling overwhelmed with life. it's funny and sad at the same time...i try to fit too much into my life which is something i have never done in the past. i suppose it's good that my life is actually somewhati full. it's really just an opportunity for me to be stretched and to adjust outwardly to something larger than my current container that is the scope of my life. i like that when i stretch, my capacity grows. as i learn, my ability to DO increases...though most of my learning is at work now which realistically means that i'm probably not doing as much learning outside of work...which is probably subconsciously depressing. i'm getting tired just thinking about it. truth be told, i have been tired off and on most of the day...most days...lol. hair is getting longish. might cut it, might not.
rob bell is great, but i'm too tired to think in his direction. his mind flies...i like that he takes us along for the ride...a little too pessemistic...but who isnt a little too..."something"...at times, right? i'm a little too grouchy when tired...a little too lazy...a little too human. i get mad when i feel myself blaming my actions on being human. there comes a point where i'm like "hey, wait...i AM human!" generally upset when people blame someone else for something that they obviously own..."poor me". bla bla bla for the most part. it kills me that the illegit overshadow the legit for the most part. i guess that goes back to the "the first will be last and the last will be first"..."the squeaky wheel will be moved to the back of the line"...haha.
it would be interesting to do a sleep deprivation test (not on me...i like sleep too much for that)...humans are so interesting without sleep. i have heard that we can suffer from dilusions when sleep deprived. makes no sense, but hey, i guess i believe it.
too tired...typing with my eyes closed...i think i shouold go to bed...g'nite