so yeah...life is odd. i have definitely come to terms with the fact that i'm a pretty pathetic excuse for a Christian...but in knowing that, i am forced to do something about it. anyways...this tale started on sunday. i was in church and pastor brad was preachin' on matthew...particularly on the beAtitudes.
so anyways...i really love just reading the bible while in church...it's an amazing thing to me to sit back and just look up verses and to see, visually, all laid out in front of me just how everything in the Bible ties together. it's sooo great. getting back to the storyline...i started reading the whole sermon on the mount (math ch5-7). so i read the whole thing. i go through different periods in my life when different verses or songs or people...or anything really...just touches me (haha...not like that). anyways...so the sermon on the mount really reached out and grabbed me. i read through each section...and it just kicked my butt how direct, how confrontational the verses are and how "in your face" Jesus was. it was cool to see.
um...soo...i guess what really hit me was that i have been focusing on sex for a long time. i really haven't stopped to look back on how i live my daily life. i have been using an illegal copy of win xp media center edition...whatever programs i want...i'm pretty pathetic. if there was any possible way for me to load something that i might use...ever...i would pretty much just download it and install it. anyways...free is a kind of drug. it's a strange social power. so...i finally decided to just go with linux. i deleted about 120gigs of music, spent about $135 yesterday buyin some used CDs...deleted another 15 gigs or so of illegal apps...threw away ~30 burned xbox games...nuked my program backups (which would make a great science experiment if anyone's looking for one)...yeah. it's a very liberating experience. amazing how much that junk was weighing on me. it was more of a subconcious oppression...but it was so weird how sunday hit me that way.
sokny actually brought up all my other illegal stuff (apps/music/dvds/xbox games)...as we were walking out to the car...and how bad all that stuff was...as i have been battling (yes, battling) with linux...trying to get on a legal operating system...and i have beentrying to get my cups printing server working on kubuntu, so we could have the same functionality in our new OS as in win...and pretty much just killed my install. fun...so now, it doesnt boot and i'm trying to determine which direction to go. back to the start of this whole thing...one of the other verses that hit me was the "golden rule" - do unto others as you would have them do unto you (which, i'm told is now obsolete...and has been replaced with "do unto others as they would have done unto themselves"...very similar, but in a more progressive sense). so yeah. maybe i'm pathetic...shallow...unable to really grasp even the most basic of human ethics and morals...but sunday...this hit me.
yeah. so i'm thinking about it...do unto others as you would have them do unto you. pretty basic. but APPLIED? yeah...so i'm thinking about it in daily life. driving down the road. some guy cuts me off...maybe he's driving slow. what do i do? get frustrated. tailgate...pass him nervously on the right. but then again...STOP. what if he's having a horrible day? what if he's in a peaceful mood, introspective...pondering whether or not he should kill himself? maybe he needs space, maybe he's imperfect? maybe he's...human? just like me? maybe i should just love on him.
reminds me of a casting crowns song...if we are the body...why aren't his hands reaching...why aren't his words teaching...why aren't his hands healing? the basic sentiment of the song is that if we are the body of Christ (which we, as the church are), then why aren't we out in the world helping, healing, loving, teaching folks about God? would God/Jesus get upset if someone cut him off? doubt it. even when the Romans were all up on him, taking his life, he first thought about how God should forgive the people..."for they know not what they do" so what if we lived life like that? what if we lived such amazing, pure lives that people stopped and couldn't help but to notice how different (in a good way) we were. what if we were the ones who didnt smoke/drink/download music/speed/get mad at the wife, etc etc. i want to be that person...
so here i go...into a new week (yeah, i know it's already tuesday)...with a wonderful new attitude and some good perspective on life. i definitely know that i need to read the Bible more...yeah...so i have some improvements going on in my life...i should get a tatoo..."work in progress"...as that's probably not going to change...as long as i'm human.
peas oud jo!