Thursday, July 20, 2006

blogarhythmic growth (ported from myspace)

to blog or not to blog, that is definitely not the question. i'm so lame. so here's the premise of this whole deal...i think that for the most part, i just use these things as outlets...just to vent about whatever is going on in my tiny little pea brain...whatever's making me hot under the collar...who ever is bothering me or whatever is threatening to drive me nutz. it dawned on me the other day that i'm really kind of a schmuk and that i have tons wrong with me that i don't talk about. yeah, i'm not sure where that leaves me, but i'm going to give it a shot.

i'm totally frustrated with me, actually. it really bugs me how little self control I really have (not sure if i'm just under the illusion that i don't have control...nah, i'm probably just weak in the head)...i think i do ok for the most part, but when it comes to some things, i'm just plain weak. maybe i'm just a little down because of some of the reading i have been doing lately. (going to get the Book)....again...i am reading ecclesiastes. i'm thinking that it's not really for any reason in particular...but i find myself jumping from book to book frequently, as they are all so interesting. anyways...solomon is writing about how meaningless life futile our actions on earth are. he was pretty much THE man of his day...he could have any woman, could buy anything, could go anywhere he wanted...and he found that knowledge and wisdom were a few of the best things to seek out. so he looks for them..."the greater my wisdom, the greater my grief. to increase knowledge only increases sorrow" yeah...i'm not sure. the book spins in almost every direction...he tries everything...basically searching for the meaning of life. everything is futile...except for seeking God. he realized that everything in his life is from God...good and bad. knowledge and wisdom are both things to be sought after...though God is the only one who will have all of the knowledge and will always have the most wisdom. bah. weird book.

i'm thinking that it wasn't ecclesiastes that got me into this...hmm...i think it was ephesians. there's a whole bunch of stuff in there about living as God intended us to live, loving on everyone and living to please God. I fall short in that so often. whether it is me giving in to the desires of the flesh...or spending money on things that really don't do anything other than give me pleasure (new's...gps antennae...hmmm....yeah) so it's pretty lame. i'm not sure why God wants me for anything.

narrowing it down some...eph 4:17-5:20. it pretty much's how you used to live...but you should live like this...and goes on to say how we are to be tenderhearted and helpful, good, encouraging...loving, of course...forgiving, imitate God, no sexual immorality (which i'm personally still seeking a good description of...probably still searching because i know that i'm not going to find anything that's really something that i want to hear...bah...i suck again)...we should determine what pleases the Lord and do that. anyways...feeling a little guilty...a little umm...convicted, i suppose. bah...i hate woe is me pleas poo