Wednesday, December 28, 2005


here is a great posting to get this google blogathon started...let the games begin! i wonder how long it will take before this silly site overtakes myspace...they do have quite the headstart...hmm...i give myspace another year before ggl rocks em. hey... ".ggl" would be a great file extension for some kinda google file...i love fun!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

why talk (ported from myspace)

my head hurts from all of this senseless jabber. i really wonder if most people talk just to find the tidbits in other people's lives that they feel are worth telling to someone else. why talk? most people dont ever really dig deep enough to make it worthwhile. talk about the weather, the lakers, how the filet at lunch was a little fatty for your personal preference...what really matters to people. i think that so much of life is wasted on talk that does nothing...goes nowhere...just for the entertainment of the few and the loud.
i do think that i am more introspective than most folks and i suppose i'm ok with that. not that i dont have my periods of just blabbering on towards no real goal or purpose...i think i do that more than i really should. i know i'm not perfect.
i guess more than anything, i'm frustrated right now that i struggle so much with being human. it is painful. it is painful having to struggle against myself so much of the time. i don't know whether i'm just being idealistic or if i just suck at being perfect, but i really feel like i am here to struggle. i recall the work that we did in thailand and the outstanding theme for me was "struggling". i struggled to work in the 120 degree heat, i struggled to not show as much affection to sokny, i struggled to stay focused on God, i struggled to make the effort to try to communicate and connect with the workers, I struggled with myself…to be better. Ack…this is all coming off like all I do is sit around and try to be better. I wish. I struggle just thinking about reading the bible and going to church and reaching out to folks. God has plans for me (good ones! – Jer29:11) and I struggle to give up control to god and to just let go. I have a tough time letting go and releasing stuff to god in general. I stress so much about any relationship that I’m in. I stress about trusting the woman that I’m with and just letting that go to god. It really is his. I need to trust god that he has and will always put me in a relationship that will help to build me up and mold me as he sees fit. Whether he wants me to go through some rough times, so I can be stronger later or wants me to chill and just be taken care of…I guess that’s just how it goes. Everything fits into the bigger picture. It’s bigger than me.
what I have found is that no matter how long you have been a Christian or how long you have been attempting to be more Christ-like (Phil 2:1-5?), there are always going to be things that you need to work on. Now, it might be sex, money, relationships in general, driving faster than the speed limit or illegal MP3’s…but once those larger, more obvious issues are worked through (and hopefully resolved), there are going to be more things to work on because, by nature, we are imperfect, prone to sinning and just plain being “not perfect”. (oh, and I’m betting that relationships are always going to be on that list, as the good relationships…the ones that last…take work…lots of it

Currently listening:
Conspiracy No. 5
By Third Day
Release date: 26 August, 1997

Friday, December 02, 2005

i'm not sure (ported from myspace)

so friday is finally here and it's late in the day...still at work. yeah...that...again. anyhow, budget season is kicking into high gear and it seems that everyone is content to not take ownership for their stuff. wow, i love being the underpaid one that has to try to keep everyone on the same page. more and more, i'm thinking that i should put myself on the short timer's list here. i mean, so many people get paid so much more for doing SOOOO much less. I don't see why i couldnt be in their shoes. and i'm not just saying that to be pissy...i really don't see a reason. I mean, if i'm going to deal with the stress and BS no matter what, i might as well get paid for it...or i could go find something that i actually like doing and pursue that? dunno, yo. i feel like the more i pursue God (and i'm not sure if it just feels like it is since i became a Christian or if now I have been told that Christians struggle more, especially new ones), the more i feel pressure to act instead of just dealing with the ever-nebulous "IT". solitaire... i just wonder why i'm here...i sure as heck know that i'm not here just to help make toilet paper that's cheaper and looks better than the competition, all the while finding ways to rip off the customer and give them less for more $$... then again, maybe i am supposed to be here and i just can't see all of the non-christians here in the right set a fire under my sedentary b(_)++ and get me to start talking with them. i'm not sure if this role even plays to my strengths? or if i'm really supposed to play to my strengths or if i'm supposed to be making better use of my weaknesses (reference my favorite verse...2cor10:3-5)....oh, and have i mentioned that i have a ton of weaknesses? lol i don't see what God sees in me. i'm not sure what i see in me sometimes...being human sucks, i'll tell you what. oh well...i guess i shouldnt complain too much...i'm alive...healthy and i'm smart enough to know that i'm definitely broken...and that i know enough to know that i can't be the person that i want to be on my own...and i guess that's a start. i'm blessed with great friends...GREAT family... a job that pays pretty well (though more often than not, i wonder if that really is a blessing)...and my introspective intellect. THANK GOD for the BIBLE..y'know? anyone that doesn't know...send me a message with your address and i will send you one, so you, too can know how great it is. seriously...try me... :) (doin' my best to...) Love Y'all!!

Currently listening:
The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hill
By Lauryn Hill
Release date: 25 August, 1998

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

strange parallels (ported from myspace)

It seems that my frustrations on "the futility of life" were echoed in the Ecclesiastes Ch 1:
1:1 The words of the Teacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem:

Introduction: Utter Futility

2 “Futile! Futile!” laments the Teacher, “Absolutely futile! Everything is futile!”

Futility Illustrated from Nature

3 What benefit do people get from all the effort which they expend on earth? 4 A generation comes and a generation goes, but the earth remains the same through the ages. 5 The sun rises and the sun sets, it hurries away to a place from which it rises again. 6 The wind goes to the south and circles around to the north, round and round the wind goes and on its rounds it returns. 7 All the streams flow into the sea, but the sea is not full, and to the place where the streams flow, there they will flow again. 8 All this monotony is tiresome; no one can bear to describe it: The eye is never satisfied with seeing, nor is the ear ever content with hearing. 9 What exists now is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done; there is nothing truly new on earth. 10 Is there anything about which someone can say, “Look at this! It is new!”? It was already done long ago, before our time. 11 No one remembers the former events, nor will anyone remember the events that are yet to happen; they will not be remembered by the future generations.

Currently listening:
In Your Honor
By Foo Fighters
Release date: 14 June, 2005

Thursday, August 25, 2005

no time for a name (ported from myspace)

so yeah....another day here at wonderful P n' G. today's thursday...just another thursday, i guess. i have transitioned into my new role...i am officially the "Supply Module Industrial Engineer"...for whatever that's worth. I'm sure it will at least look good on a resume some day. as far as the actual work...i'm passing on everything that I know...everything that i'm familiar with...on to my predecessor and venturing into the unknown of higher level analysis. what a good time. has been frustrating, with the slim amount of training that I chose to receive. it was almost a choice and almost not. the days before thailand when i was not available for training (as I had 8 days to get my replacement ready for a 2 week stint of holding down the fort alone), the woman that I was replacing wanted to train me...and of course, on the flip side, when I had 2hrs available for time to be trainined in, the woman that i was replacing decided to come sauntering in at 10..short-timer's was bordering on hilarity...but not so much. anyways...i'm here...i'm it...and at the end of 8hrs, i will go home again, hopefully just that much closer to another raise that will bring me that much closer to another, higher, more removed from the real business here, but also, that much closer to the retirement that everyone wants, that always seems to come too fast...that we are all just blowing through life trying to get to. it's kinda sick when you actually take the time to think about it. we are really like little mice trapped in a maze...but the carrot isnt just around the, not in this wonderful society of ours. we have this complex where, when we get what we were seeking...we are sated, but only for a short time. say you work 3 hours of overtime / wk (after tax, yielding about 40 bucks/week) to save up for this special cell phone that you wanted. then, say that after the requisite 8 weeks (allowing for some human error with the finances) of extra hours and less time being spent at home, the money is finally saved and the phone is purchased. then, the waiting begins and the inevitable frustration at the ever-elusive ebayer in the-middle-of-no-where, pennsylvania for not shipping the phone. so, after the 8 WEEKS of laboring, another 8 days are spent in utter frustration (at some random guy who's just trying to make a buck, so he can buy his kid the mp3 player that HE wants). the phone finally shows up..and the excitement begins...WEE!!...three days of excitement....not wanting to fall asleep, for fear of the phone mysteriously being gone in the morning, for no particular reason other than that the phone seems to good to be is finally mine!! yay! having achieved that goal, we are once again in search of a goal worth pursuing...what part of the american dream am I missing that joe schmoe has? what am i lacking in my life that someone else has (materially speaking, of course)? and so goes on top of the other...never to be satisfied. i am convinced that retirement will be much the same bag of tricks that society has programmed us with. now there has to be a point to a lengthy blathering such as this...(not that i always strive to make a point, but today, i'm feeling a little more quixotic that usual) are YOU here for? i really struggled with that for quite some time. i really didnt know that i was struggling with it at the time, but really...when you are in perpetual need of a vacation and are mentally, emotionally and underneath it all, spiritually exhausted at all times...maybe something is not quite so anyways...i went on this road trip back in october 04...i had planned to drive up to canada with a good buddy of mine...(y'all know Mike, right?)...but it didnt work out (apparently, new babies and wives can have that affect on a guy) i decided to push on through and go on the trip all by my lonesome. it sounded like a crazy idea...felt like a crazy idea...but as i said, i was drained...tired of being drained and not knowing how to dig my way out. so anyways...i drove. and drove...and drove and get the point. i think i put about 4000 miles on my sorta new ford focus in those 7 days. it was ridiculous. i spend so much time being frustrated with myself...sleeping in the car because i missed the campsite closing time by a few was a great experience. we learn a lot about ourselves through struggles like that. so...after quite a few nights and days of struggles, i found myself in washington. northwestern washington, as a matter of fact. i was driving up the western side of the puget sound, back up and around towards olympic national park and on through to the pacific coastline. i had just had my first success of the trip, after having found an actual open campsite in canada. it was great! but anyhow...i was just recoving from a brutal session of struggling with myself and the realities of an unplanned roadtrip and i saw this little church. (aside: for those of you that arent as familar with me as you could be, i went to church from 0-18, under a strict family mandate (it really wasnt that bad...but i was a lil rebel). after that time, i skipped the routine and found my own way around town on sundays. i had only been to church of my own volition once since the great transition to adulthood.) this little church, for whatever reason, called out to me and i had this feeling like i should start attending church again. (for those of you that have read my earlier blogs, this is all probably just review). so yeah...since then, i have been going to church regularly and found my way to thailand on a missions trip that my family and friends supported me in a way that i could never even have dreamed. i found a wonderful girlfriend that also follows God and we are treading the path that God has cut out for us. i'm not even saying that everything is lilly's and roses and the like, but it has definitely been a long journey for me and it has been totally amazing seeing how God has been working in so many different people's lives to bring me to him. there are so many things that seem like they are just random events in life, but God is behind it all. God has his hand in all of our lives, he listens to all prayers and delivers fantastically on them. anyways...this has drawn on for quite some time and i don't think that i really put the seal on this chapter, but it was a good effort, for sure. until next time...later!

Currently listening:
A Rush of Blood to the Head
By Coldplay
Release date: 27 August, 2002

Friday, July 29, 2005

friday blah (ported from myspace)

so it's p and g and everything is pretty much bla today. I'm officially taking over in my new role here on monday and susan is retiring after today. so it's kind of a strange feeling going on today. mostly because or normal drama with the woman. i want to stay for the retirement party at work for susan, as I have worked closely with her for the past 3.5yrs...and i think she would feel a little bit hurt that i didnt go to her party just because i wanted to get off early on a friday and go hang out in LA. i don't understand this. it's not like i'm super excited about staying for the retirement party, but i think it would suck if i were retiring and the person in the plant that i worked the closest with was not there (for some small reason) for my work retirement party. granted, there is a big party at her house tomorrow, where we really will see her off and we will have a good time doing it...but that does not release me of my desire to stay for the official work thing today. ack! more personal feelings that should probably never see the light of day...but anyone who reads this should know that this blog is totally's just what's going on with me now. yet more brain pollution to clutter my already over-emo'd brain. what a mess. just BS that clutters up what could be a drama-free life. i love it how we are set up with human bodies that push us to do so many things that are diametrically opposed to what the bible says that we should do. "put no one in front of do so is basically idolatry"...yet everything in my body (my POS, weak, frail, hormonally, emotionally challenged body) makes me feel the best when i am around a woman that i am giving everything to (even if i am not getting what i need in return)...ack! sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks...and more. and i should be journalling about thailand...but it feels like life (the life that i willingly participate in...the people that i CHOOSE to spend my time with)...just keeps piling it on me. i never get a chance to dig deep enough within myself because i keep letting life throw more dirt onto my already over loaded pile of mental crap. is payday...tomorrow, i'm finally getting rid of my fridge and moving the rest of my stuff out of lloyd's that's totally good and sunday, i should be getting some money back for the shots that we got from thailand...and it's the life is still doing ok...and i'm sure that once i get over the little hump that is the next few hours and find a ride home, i will be fine...but dang! i have no opinion...i'm just here to serve (if only i could do that for real...for everyone...and keep on spreadin the love...i guess it's something to aspire to, right)

Sunday, July 10, 2005 (ported from myspace)

oh my.

after working through thursday, we had a day off to relax and headed off to the beach. we took a small boat (scary lil wooden boat with a full sized v6 strapped on the back with a driveline coming out the back, with an attached propeller) to a small island between the island that we are on and Phuket...called koh kai. it was a tiny island with some nice sand and some decent snorkelling. there were actual coral reefs here with some fun fish. i saw a flute fish and a few puffer fish. i went snorkelling with paula from the thai LA team and one of the construction guys that we have been working with (his name is dua). he took us around about half of the island, with a stop midway, where he informed us that we might see sharks on the second half of the journey. it was a good time, but we did not see any sharks. the water was extra salty and warm, with an extra hot sun to encourage those who were seeking sun to head to the water.

needless to say, i received quite a sunburn, even with the four or so layers of sunscreen that i applied during our short stint on the island (from 9-130). today is our second day of work since the play day and it has been increasingly hotter as the days go by. the hottest day before the play day (based on my timex watch thermometer) was 114. i'm not sure if that takes the humidity into account or not, but yesterday, we hit 118 and today, the watch gave me a series of --- where the numbers normally would be. i'm guessing that means that the watch maxxed out, seeing as how that is often considered to be the borderline between normal hot weather and extremely hot weather. anyhow, later on, the temperature cooled down and came back as 120 on my watch. i think that i have mostly acclimatized and i think the only residual affects are that i get tired easily, am constantly sweating and constantly in need of water and breaks.

so...on an internal level, life has been a little crazy. i think that i was not sure what to expect as far as what the mission entailed from the get go and that really left me confused. i must explain...the basis of our mission here in koh yao is that we are building an orphanage/school/community center (different rooms for different aspects and the school part doubles as a community center at night). so that is the physical justification as for why we are here. we are working under the umbrella of the sustainable development research foundation with a part of our church outreach group called xealot (this project is a partnership between the SDRF and xealot). the sdrf is a non christian organization that just happens to employ almost all christians (if it were founded as a christian organization, they would not have access to as many of the different areas in thailand, as they are primarily buddhist or muslim). the SDRF works to improve the economic structure of areas that are in need (such as southern thailand after the tsunami) and uses that arm of outreach to show the people God's love and also their love for eachother as they serve the various communities. xealot is the christian outreach arm of our church, in which, we currently have 8 people who are in thailand for long term missions projects (2yr stints). so.........having thrown down that haphazard background, we are here to build a building to help the economic situation of this area. we are not here to prostheletize (sp?) to the people, but to serve them and to build relationships with the community under the umbrella that our long term folks can build on as they interact with the people in the area more and more. took me a few days to prioritize my time here and really figure out what i was supposed to do. day 1, i was all about getting as much done that would get the building up as fast and efficiently as possible. that soon proved to be futile, as the thai workers are paid on a daily basis, so they are really in no hurry to get the job done (i would not expect anything else). so anyhow...i have finally settled my differences with my work ethics and my spirituality and found a level ground that sits between the physical work and actually building the relationships.

...more to come...


Thursday, July 07, 2005

thursday (ported from myspace)

so it's thursday in thailand...we actually started workin on tuesday, when we arrived here on koh yao around 2pm. that makes today the official 3rd working day. it is finally hot today...i guess the previous 2 days weren't that bad...but today...yeah...its dang hot. some perspective on that: i'm not sure how my timex watch measures temperature, but i left it out in the sun for thirty minutes or so to take my body heat out of the picture...and it was reading 114 degrees! woo hoo! yeah. so we are still working away...with my mindset having shifted from actually getting work done to trying to connect with the workers that we are helping...oops !!! time to go!!

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

thailand away! (ported from myspace)

so i'm in thailand...and the rain is coming down! we are supposed to be well into our first work day, but when we came back from lunch, the rain started coming we are just kickin it in the "mayor's" office. I'm not really sure how the actual mission is going, it feels like we are not making too much progress, but the people that we are working with are having fun.

the food has been good for the most part, but there is a lot of fish that is not really meeting my needs. I did have some squid that was pretty good, considering that I have not had squid in the past. we are having fish pretty much every meal in one form or another and the cook and proprietor of the bungalows that we are staying in (havalea?) seems to understand that we can handle a little bit of spicy food at each meal. sokny, josh and a few others dont enjoy spicy food, so his dishes aren't always accepted around the table, but for the most part, people seem to be doing well.

the work is going well. we are doing a lot of manual, physically intensive construction type work that is wearing out my body. i am thankful that God has blessed me with such a strong physical build, but i think the heat (though from what the other team said, we have it easy) is starting to wear on me. I have been cranking away on the physical side of things and my forearms started cramping up today when working with the hoe. we are moving dirt back and forth with all of the effort being expended in similar efforts.

the flight was pretty difficult and on the 10.5hr flight over to japan, i only slept about 30mins, with most of the flight time in pursuit thereof. i am really enjoying the thailand aspect of the situation. since arriving, we spent the first night in bankok at a christian hostel. i think it was about 33 bucks a night and it was darn near in downtown. after arriving, we were, to say the least, totally confused as to what time it was. thai time was about 2am, but i think we were still on cali time, where it was about midday. the rest of the team was fairly tired and decided to retire to their room, but sok and I were running on adrenaline and took some time to tour the outdoor market. there were a variety of street food vendors as well as the standard knock off markets for shoes, wallets and a variety of other upper class items.

the next morning, we took a walk in the city to the xealot thailand offices (newsong's long term team in thailand - 2yr stay) where we talked about the mission and took some time to dig into thai culture a bit. from there, we took a bus to another airport and flew down to the Phuket area of thailand (south western area). we took another van/bus to our hotel, where we briefly scoped out the area. i was able to go for a short solo run on the beach and it was a little freaky seeing the ocean, knowing that it was just a few months ago that a killer tsunami ravaged the area. it was apparent that the touristy attractions were not all open, whether it was because it is rainy season or because of the tsunami, i do not know. it looked like there were a few dozen mini restaurant type establishments, of which only three were open. the area did look barren and i have heard from a few of the missions folks from last week that a few of the guys that we will be working with lost their wives in the tsunami. they said that they were able to save their children, but they could not save their whole family.

from phuket (in which we stayed in a nice hotel, one of few that are still open after the tsunami - apparently everything is super cheap due to the aforementioned reasons) we drove a short distance to a boat dock, from which we took a boat (yesterday morning) to the island of koh yow (spelled a number of different ways out here). the island is nice, the typical tropical island with a sandy beach (which i have heard is littered with trash from the ever changing currents), palm trees, a boat dock and rain foresty type vegetation. it reminds me very much of costa rica. we are staying in some house style bungalows, where there are plenty of openings for a wide variety of critters to enter. we had a large size grasshopper in the shower room this morning as well as a giant moth in the bedroom last night. i have only suffered two mosquito bites, both of which are my own fault for sleeping without the mosquito net over the bed. it was filled with it's own supply of bugs, so i decided not to drape it over the bed (i am sharing a bed with steve, one of our team leaders). the large bungalows (sleep 4) are 15 bucks per night and the smaller bungalows are 5 bucks per night. the showers are interesting and range from a bucket and a regular faucet to a hose that you use to wet yourself to the girls bungalow, where i have heard that they have a bona fide shower head. it is not too bad...but i have not slept well and that begins to wear on the body after awhile.

anyhow...the rain has stopped and i feel that if i type any more, i will be burning up valuable work hours here on the computer. what a suprise that we are working in a facility that has what i have heard are the only two computers with internet on the island (pop 6,0000). until next time...adieu!

Thursday, June 30, 2005

thailand is upon us (ported from myspace)'s thursday. to some, it's just another thursday, but not me, nope. i feel like it's the last day of school...all of the normal work drama that would probably pull me down, from where i would look to my coffee cup to pull me up...just bounces off of me. I'm all smiles. the same time, i have this nervous apprehension about the trip (i will post my missions letter after finishing this blog)'s not so much the work or the physical structure of the trip itself...i'm not too worried about that, but it's more of the spiritual aspect of the journey. we are going to thailand to build a nursery/orphanage for the vicitims of the december tsunami. that's cool and all...but we are really going to reach out to the villagers on the little island that we will be working on. we are going there as missionaries, granted, we are not going to be doing any outright, in your face evangelism, but we will be open to sharing to those who question us about it. breakthrough work like this is what changes lives...and, on a larger scale, changes the world. i'm not saying that i am expecting to see huge changes in the villagers on Koh Yao (the island), but I am fully expecting to see God working in us, as a team and in the villagers (not sure to what extent).

so yeah.

I'm not supre excited about my current employment situation...i work at procter and gamble, and that's cool n' all...but i'm not set on the fact that this is for me...that i SHOULD be here in 25yrs to retire and that this is the work that God has chosen for me to do for my time on this funky blue and green planet. i'm not too sure about much in life at this point...except for that which I have already locked in (umm...i guess that doesnt even cover lunch today...hambuger habit, anyone?) and on top of that, i have a few things that i think would be really great to do in my life...marry...have some kids (2!)...own a house...(not so sure about's probably just residual "american dream mentality" that i have been programed with since birth)...i guess travelling is something that i really enjoy, seeing new places and whatnot...but on top of that...i just like kickin it with people that are interested in the same stuff that I am...and sharing god's love with them and trying to be as christlike as possible ( a better person than i am and striving for improvements towards that end until the day i die). always...i'm not sure that i really said anything in this blog...but i did put some words down on the are some new 1's and 0's stored on some server i'm done.


Currently listening:
Morning View
By Incubus
Release date: 23 October, 2001

Thursday, January 27, 2005

general confusion (ported from myspace)

Now...I know I'm a smart guy. What the hell. I guess this ties with what I wrote in my last blog...Again I am not hanging out with my woman. Last night, I hung out with my buddy mike with the talk that I would hang with the lady afterwards. I called her as soon as I was done hangin with mike answer. a frustrated night of unanswered phone calls...I finally fell asleep. I found out in the morning that she had left her cell phone in the car and that she had also gone to bed early in order to get enough sleep to awake at 4:15 and go in to work early. ok...fine and good. one big deal. So I'm all excited about hanging out tonight (one day is a long time for us to NOT hang out)...and i remember that tonight is family my house. So I call her up and let her know what the new plans are...and I find that she doesnt want to hang out...she's tired and family night usually runs late and suprise. Here's what I trip on...I always get upset about stuff like this. I mean...I understand that I want to hang out with her...and whatever. I know I'm in a hungry mood (kyle = impatient prick when hungry/tired/in traffic)...but dang...why am I such a punk. I hate when I'm in those kinda moods. especially when I have to apologize afterwards. Its like I'm not myself for a time. I really dislike that about myself (is it ok to not like a part of me?...i suppose it's ok as long as I work to change that part, yeah?). i wonder what the heck gets me all riled up so quickly. internal phsychologist program is not able to analyze myself today...any takers? Hit me up with the most in your face comments...I need help! haha...not that I'm about to self destruct or anything...I'm just a little pissed off at myself. oh well...TIA.

Currently listening:
By Arcade Fire
Release date: 14 September, 2004

Saturday, January 22, 2005

the space between (ported from myspace)

Between any two matter what...there needs to be space. Anyone that knows me knows that when I am in a relationship...that person is top dawg in my life. (i'm still the man, so I always have the final say...haha...yeah right) Seriously, though...i always throw myself into whichever relationship that I am in...100%. Not that I have the busiest life or anything (when not in a relationship), ...far from it, actually....but I tend to drop whatever it is that I am doing and charge on into the new greatness. It's kinda funny how content I can be spending time with myself when I'm not in a relationship and then how, when I am
My brain is mush....i am digging through a swamp to find my words....I think I am being overpowered by hunger at the moment.
Basically...i dont have too much free time when I'm in a relationship. I think that heading into relationships like that takes its toll on a person (ME). I saw something in one of those lame chain emails that has the same 15 quotes as all of the other emails that run the globe and the originator's bonus five that all but make the email worthless.... (BTW...I never forward please...yeah...dont send them unless you just want ME to read them ;) ) that email, it was saying something like "love as though you have never been hurt before...and you will live a full life". I really think that's the attitude that I have when I charge into a new relationship. and I am convinced that it is a good thing. I think it's a bunch of poo to head into something that could be the best thing in the world for two people with anything less than all that you have to offer. I'm not saying that I'm a huge huggy buggy love machine on the first date...but when I know that I have found someone worth keeping...I'm going to hold onto that person and pour myself into the relationship. This time...that attitude was matched by the other person (not that that hasn't happened before...) which leads to spending endless hours together. The natural effects of all of this face time with a new person in one's life should be obvious....the family and friends at first see how happy you are and encourage you onward...then they tell you to slow down ( as everthing tends to move at an increased pace, given the extra hours per week spent together )...that you are heading into it way too fast...don't get in over your head....(which I am fine with...because I feel that most people don't charge into relationships with all that they have and, as a result, freak out when they see it happening with someone they are close to -> the more you put in, the more you risk BUT! the more you can also enjoy if the "gamble" pays like you have never been hurt...because everyone gets hurt at one time or another) After all of that fairly low-level predictable conversation comes the family and friends getting the feeling that they are now not getting enough of the person (this applies to both people in the relationship) that they are so used to having plenty of free time to spend with them. I have seen many different degrees of this intervention in my years...all of which SEEM to add to the stress of the relationship. I know that they do add stress...but I think that the timining is normally such, with this intervention, that it is healthy for a little more time apart (distance makes the heart grow fonder, no?). THIS time is different for me, in that I had a realization (today, actually...on the way home from my parents house....driving by the mall :P) that when two people spend every moment of the day together (minus work and other mundane tasks) that there tends to be a buildup of animosity between the two. I can say this...I love my woman. (in case you didnt know...let this be the official press release!)...and, having said that...I need to expound on my hypothesis. I think that if you hang out too much...neither of the people in the relationship are able to get all of the things done that need to be done. Laundry, Car cleaning, room cleaning, friend time, Xbox hacking...whatever it is that you were doing before, that you enjoyed doing (or just plain had to do) doest not get done. because of start to build a to do list. everyone has them, but not everyone has a reason (even if you don't realize it) that you are not getting the stuff done in the first place. if I don't get to do all of my laundry this week...i might be ok. if i don't get to do laundry next week...i might start to run low on socks...and that will wear on me little by little...a stressor adding to the pile of minor stressors in one's life that keep us as tightly wound as we all are. usual....I'm spent and I'm not sure that I really said anything worth saying...but I said it, nonetheless. I feel like getting some food...hmmm....Del Taco anyone? Call me soon and I might head out to eat with ya....haha yeah right....i will probably just pass out right now and forget about it until I wake up with my stomach trying to digest itself. ;)

Currently listening:
By A Perfect Circle
Release date: 02 November, 2004