Wednesday, September 29, 2010

imperfections (ported from myspace)

life is so obviously imperfect. it's too obvious to be coincidence. i think i was pondering my relationship earlier today and it really made me wonder. i'm kind of retarded at times. i often marvel at how retarded i can be in this relationship. just the ridiculous "small" arguments that linger on through the day...they blow my mind. it is so difficult for me (both of us) to let go of the small stuff. i wish it was easier, this life thing...but at the same time, i don't. if life were easier (let's just call it "perfect"), we wouldn't have anything to look fwd to. what would be the point in heaven (other than the ol' eternal life thing) if earth was perfect. each of us has our own custom reality that has it's own imperfections.

if i had been born into a different country - i'm going to use thailand because i have at least a little bit of experience with that country - i'm betting that i would still struggle with various imperfections in life and i would still find life just "reasonably satisfying". actually, i was tempted for quite awhile to ditch out on this stress filled, overly complicated, let me check my calendar (oh wait, i only use it for work), life that is my existence here for the much less complicated, much simpler life that is life on an island in the Andaman sea.

it's crazy. there is this huge balance between living a good christian life and living in america. i'm not so sure that it's a balance...i tend to put everything in context of "struggles". i struggle with things. it's my internal checks and balances. it feels like this life just pulls in the wrong direction when it comes to so many key issues. sex - my body ALWAYS tells me the wrong thing. my head tells me the wrong thing slightly less than half of time's only when i force myself to change my perspective that i do the right thing. and society? "pop culture" yeah...that's pretty much just another big anchor tied to my foot pulling me down.

imperfections, yes. so we are here on this earth to realize this, to step back and take a deep exclaim "wow, this really is jacked up" and to seek out the truth that is so ingrained in these exact imperfections...we see evidence of the perfection that God promises us when we look at the the sunsets and amazing cloud formations that we are graced with ever too infrequently (in so cal). looking at anything from a macro might just seem perfect. look at a mountain range. from a helicopter, flying over, the range is sooo impressive. the lake looks too blue to be real...everything looks like a painting. zoom in a bit...the mountains are nothing but rocks...dry and lifeless...heaps of them. there is nothing to substantiate the earlier perception of perfection. the lake. it is nothing more than near-freezing off from a glacier up the way. not to go too far into the analogy...the concept behind is solid.

imperfections. so here we are with this world. what to do. we struggle with anything that we might consciously know to be good. there are always barriers to be knocked down, TV stations not to watch...but is that to be our focus? it seems that constant struggles are just the result of giving in, of being pulled down. why spend life focused on the struggles when it could just as easily be spent on lovin others. i'm not sure that it's really that easy. if we don't stop to analyze and drill into the issues that impact us, we will not be able to firm up enough to be the solid foundation that is required when building anything substantial. i would not build my house on sand (yada yada) so why would i expect God to want to build his house (the Church) on people that are not grounded and have a well earned, educated faith in Him. (quick mental parallel to a retirement planner) what to do what to do. constantly seek the balance between building the foundation and reaching out. spend time investing in solid personal growth while also making the effort to reach out to others and plant seeds.

hmm. so how and when to build and such...i am getting tired...this is going to have to marinate more...after more rest, that is.

Monday, August 02, 2010


my new boss is from Phoenix where temps are in the 100s right now. it got me thinking about how little we use the power of the sun and if anything, we spend tons of money and CO2 emissions to cool down our places and offset the heat and light of the sun. anyhow...he said "it's so hot out, you could fry an egg...for real" and i was thinking...why not do that? maybe not an egg, but the idea i had was a slow cooker. something that you could drop some beef, water, veggies etc into on your way into work and when you came out to your car to head home, you'd have a nice stew waiting for you, all cooked up and stuff. i know solar ovens arent exactly news as they've been around awhile but nobody has done this yet. it would be pretty simple...just use some time-temperature-pressure physics to figure out what the ideal combo is to keep the would-be stew at the right temp, then put in a relief valve that would let off anything above that. it could be a simple "physical" solution vs anything extra fancy like a self regulating, solar powered micro computer (though that would be amazing and totally feasible as well...)

so much junk in my head right now...i think i realized this week that i really dont normally run out of juice physically (though i'm definitely not in shape)...but it's more of a mental game for me. i think my mind runs at a faster pace than my body (maybe i should be more physically active?) and as a result, i end up with lots of time where i just need to veg out because my mind is tired but my body's really not. hmm...maybe that explains the COD thing.

i'm really excited about what's going on in life...just not a fan of how the stress impacts those around me. just started a new role at work 7/1...with a new boss...probably getting another new role in the next 3 months or so...with another new boss...and maybe moving to a new P&G location...maybe MOVING...maybe selling and buying houses...hmmm yeah, that's some stuff. oh...and maybe working on a sibling for asher. i'm really not stressed about's kinda weird (NOT COMPLAINING)... i guess i'm excited about my job and that there are tons of opportunities in it that i'm excited and passionate about. not so stoked on some of the more mundane things in life...but that's life.

we have some vacation coming up which should be great to get away and really have some time off work...not bringing the work laptop...just the phone and MY fun laptop :) having lots of fun with linux lately too...conky is good stuff...

not super excited about the new iphone 4 tho :( underwhelming? iOS hasnt changed that much since 1.oh...missing android a bit. maybe i can get an android tablet or netbook thingy to fill that gap. i'm definitely going to miss tweaking on my mobile devices but it's a fair trade :)

Sunday, July 25, 2010


so i haven't been speaking at church as much lately and it's helped me to realize a little bit more about how my strange mind works. When i'm writing talks a lot, that acts as a purge of brain stuff...which i had really only done through blogs on myspace before. what sucks i guess is that when i'm writing talks, it's not so much that i have a topic to write on, but that i have to shape my thoughts into something meaningful and maybe even something for a specific topic. it kinda stunts my mental creativity in a way. obviously it's not a bad thing, i just need to figure out how to work with it. perhaps i'll blog more about whatever's on my mind and in a different vein of my mind, try to write talks. dunno. that doesnt make sense to me as my creativity is more of a "flow". for thought.

on the way home today, i was thinking about how normal pickup trucks like F150s or Rams tow boats or anything substantial. typically when i see them towing something, the rear end is angled down due to the weight of the load with the load angled forward. it seems like if the tow hitch were shifted forward...similar to the ones that sit in the base of the would keep both the tow load and the truck more balanced. To step it up a notch, a system should be developed that sits either in the bed of the truck or somehow integrated into the body of the truck that would auto balance the load to ensure the correct balance between the front wheels, rear wheels and trailer wheels. I'm sure someone smarter than me has already done the math...just figured that since this hadn't been done, this particular innovation should be taken into consideration.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


If I died today, and had just a moment to reflect beforehand, i would not be upset that i did not travel to italy...or visit china...or own the iphone 5. I would not be sad that i didnt have a house on the beach or ever get to drive a lamborghini. I would not be thinking about all of the tech gadgets that i didnt get to try...because that wont matter. I would be bummed that i wont get to spend more time with my family and then, in all likelyhood, be upset and feel like a big failure because i wasn't more bold about my faith in my daily life. I'll think about all of the missed opportunities that I had to share my faith where I chose to take the easy route and keep quiet. I'll likely think about the things I "could have done" to do something that truly lasts. The greatest empires that have ever existed did not last. The US will not always be the world superpower (ask the Romans or Alexander the Great or any of the other great superpowers of ages gone past... Bottom line, the greatest things of this earth will fade, will rust, will blow away and be forgotten. The Grand Canyon is young...only 5 MILLION YEARS old...and we talk about human history in terms of thousands of years. Think about that. Then think about eternity. Then think about what you're going to do with your day today. Have a great day at work :)