Saturday, September 08, 2007

mudpies and whipped cream (ported from myspace)

nevermind, too many calories. and cancel that mocha, i'll just go with a triple espresso (venti?) actually, i'm just having normal drip coffee at the local coffee shop...with a stuffed croissant for evening snack. it's much too small to qualify as dinner.

enough of the small talk...on to the actual brain activity. i think i have too many black shirts. i was digging through my drawers/closets/dirty clothes pile the other day and i noticed that...i'm not sure that too many black shirts is really is definitely the best color since PB&J's the new pink...PC's are the new macs...well, maybe not that last one. but anyways...i think i need to add a few more colored shirts to my portfolio.

ok, second attempt to drown the small talk...i'm beginning to wonder if i'm just stuck in shallow mode today. perhaps the shortage of human interaction has left me with a suplus of trivial thoughts that i need to purge. ok, i'll go with my local observations as an interim game. i'm at latte 101, the guys in front of me are engaged in some sort of interview regarding stocks and money making. appears that the younger guy is interviewing the 60-something man...not sure what the motivations to me is a youngish couple...very quitely engaging in some sort of flirtatious table game. i noticed when picking up my snack that there is a largish group gathered on the sidewalk out front...brought their own lawn chairs and whatnot...apparently this is a favorite gathering ground for a bunch of AA success stories....or maybe just the local drug dealer hangout. haha. i'm listening to imogen heap...she's very spiritual in her music/synth evidently passionate...yet lacking true depth. (aren't we all?)

quick aside to mention that ZFS (new filesystem by Sun Microsytems) is going to be the BIG thing in computing in the next 10 years. just my humble opinion.

so dark out. it's odd for me today. sokny is out of town on her annual girls trip...i'm not making efforts to fill the days like i normally would on this weekend. i went up to slo two weeks ago and had a great time just hangin out...went up to pismo last weekend for a couple's getaway (just me n' sok) and i'm ready for some downtime. i really enjoy the ramping up and down of life. it's so interesting to me how small decisions (go out/don't go out, make plans/sit on ass all day) really set the theme for life. i'm pretty lazy when it comes to hanging out. i just move along in day at a time without much effort in the direction of hanging out or interacting with others. i'm very much an introvert (on the inside) but I'm not 100% sure why. it's definitely easier not to make the effort, but i don't think that's really the driving force. maybe i'm just uncomfortable with people. i was thinking about that a little today. with our counseling...i was taking some time to actively ponder the talks. i think i'm a little nervous in general when talking with people...and it takes me a little time to get used to get comfortable. i'm not sure what's the driving force behind it...but i just get nervous around people. very odd. i will have to ponder that more, later. so many things in life require conscious focus and thought to make them work well - relationships, self realization, God, is such a precarious journey - i suppose that is why humans throughout history have spent many endless nights staring at the stars, debating life philosophies and killing each other over religion. i'm a peaceful creature...but i definitely struggle with the dark side. how starwars of me. yes, i know. from the plain old evil thoughts (see "the number 23" movie) to lust and irritation with bad all stems from the same roots.

ah well...that's a great start to the night...this place shuts down in 5 mins...time for me to roll outta here...and see where this caffeine is planning on taking me tonight...


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