Thursday, November 18, 2004

...on life (ported from myspace)

life is just one of those things...i'm not sure that anyone ever really figures life's more like life figures us out...that sounds way too much like a predestination theorist. I'm not sure what I really want out of life yet. It seems like whenever I'm on a high...whether that be a new sport, a new girl, a new toy, or a new best friend...there are very few things in life that are actually a good return on the investment. The initial investment is usually the same..the new thing, lets call it a trobblee...well, that trobblee is the best thing in life. you get out of work, after thinking about the new trobblee all day...speed on home to your new love...the trobblee. upon arriving, you run upstairs and pick up your new trobblee...your hera bursting with excitement about all of the time you get to spend with your new trobblee. at this point, the trobblee is perfect. it is a rare occasion when something...anything in this world is perfect, but in that first day or two, there is nothing that can come between you and the trobblee. even if physically seperated, your minds...deeper...your souls...deeper...your entire beings are connected. there is a sense that you cannot live without your precious trobblee. that day, after work, you polish your off the seven particles of dust that have settled on it over the course of the day. the trobblee is everything to you is good. anyhow...that night, you have trouble sleeping. you spent all day with your new trobblee...basking in it's wholesome goodness....slathering on the thick layers of over-emphatic emotion. your thoughts are only of the next day, when you wake and see your new trobblee. after hours of tossing and turning (with a few intermitten episodes of turning the light on, just so you can catch one last glimpse of your precious trobblee), you are finally put under by the dark comfort that is sleep. you do not remember your dreams the next morning, but the first thought that pops into your head is your new trobblee. with the slight overlap of the waking and the dead, you insert the troblee into your dreams, though there were none to be had. you had imagined all of the good times that you would spend in the next lifetime together, for who, once having had, would be without trobblee ever again? the excitement is not as intense, as the emotion is overcome by the imminence of the day's work. you smile at your trobblee with that...I will always be yours...morning after smile. with that, you leave the haus [Kt ;)] and head off to another day's work. your thoughts are mostly of the trobblee...and you are still anxious for the work day to pass (not too different from any other non-trobblee day) and your thoughts do hover around that of the trobblee. Having said is all too apparent that the notion of the trobblee's everlasting prescence in your life is but a fleeting sensation. not to say that all emotions are as fleeting as the one briefly touched upon above, but (BUT!!) does seem that there is a pattern in life. Great things takes it's toll. Whether that be the every day 9-5 grind...or the struggles of a single parent, life tends to wear one away. Methinks this is a US thang. Not that there arent plenty of others throughout the world that suffer similarly, but that we, as americans have been raised to think that having your dearest trobblee is that for which we should strive...0-99, with occasional breaks at 15,33 and 52 for retrospection. i'm not saying that trobblees can't be the best thing in the world...for there ARE those moments when your lil trobblee is the best. There is nothing that you wouldnt trade your trobblee for. there are very few things in life that actually have a lasting impact on us. who cares about the negative the end...they are only going to bring you down if you linger on them. it is completely necessary to have good friends that you are able to discuss them with, however, in order to put them into perspective. This allows one to grow from mistakes, which are really just life's learning opportunities. they are paintful, but when you are at your lowest, or most teary eyed of are exposing who you really are. skirting that aside midway, we pass right on to the lasting affects that can be had upon us. people are probably the most obvious of all the lasting impacts. This leads one to believe that an actual person can somehow affect another's life to the extent that the latter's life will be altered forever. There are very few people in this world that are actually worth listening to, let alone worth taking the time to learn from. i'm not sure that it's the person that actually affectts us the most. it seems that reaction is the most powerful of tools when it comes to dealing with those other people. If someone tells me that i'm ugly...i can react to that in a few different ways. if i choose to get mad, the other person might have achieved what they were looking irritate me. that is something that I can fairly easily control. if I choose to react to that comment with a laugh....this may confuse the other may make the person a little confused...or it may just encourage the person to take to the offensive with the verbal abuse. Anyhow....i feel that the reaction is the most powerful thing to learn to control. This gives you fairly direct control over the entire mood/direction/outcome of any conversation. Who is to say that one well timed smile or a laugh at a key moment might just make that person your best friend that much sooner? I fully believe in this. Anyhow...this whole conversation has indeed turned into another brain spillage...onto the electrons that are my viewsonic professional series p220f monitor...yes the real intent of this discussion was to get at the root of human motivation. what motivates you? are you driven by something external...trobblee...or something internal. I have found that when being driven primarily by an external force, especially if that force takes on a new life in the very mind that discovered it, the effects of the external force increase dramatically. it is only when we can reach into ourselves and pull ourselves up to a new level, at which, trobblees are mere supplements to our already elevated existance. I'm not trying to reach a new spiritual level with this...just on a personal growth level. why would you want to live your life with complete dependence on something/somone else? not that that is always bad...for that IS what we search for the most...but that it can be a bad thing and can lead to you keeping yourself at a lower level than you should really have to be at. muah!

Currently listening:
Franz Ferdinand
By Franz Ferdinand
Release date: 20 April, 2004

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