Tuesday, December 14, 2004


i'm not even sure where any of this is going. why do things go up and down so much? why do the downs suck so bad when the goods that were so great twenty minutes ago are no longer in the audience? the good is still here...not to say that. it's just that there are so many times where the bad just takes over the situation and puts a hole in the boat as only bad can do. i suppose there will always be holes to fill and sweaters to mend, but why? it seems that my boxers are always torn or that I never have enough pairs of pants...but there are always tons of shirts to be had. life patterns itself off of my closet. no matter what's going on in life, there always seems to be something that needs attention. No, not like the hey, how ya doin kind of attention...like the gawd life sux...be a friend kind o' attention. why is that? why can't life just take a break from being so up tight and relax and be enjoyed? I suppose that would be too easy. like retirement. if you dont do anything with your life after finishing the life long working man's struggle...your body just falls off into the fog, as in a piers anthony never ending saga. however, if you stay active and do stuff...(studies show that retirees that gamble on a regular basis live longer than those that don't - more than likely being attributed to the fact that they are out doing something instead of just sitting home knitting)...you will live a longer retired life. sounds good to me...but why do we need challenge? I dont want challenge. well...I dunno about that. I really do like a challenge at times, but there are those situations where challenges just suck. I dont want to have to work to be with someone.
Now, I understand that all relationships take work and that part of the deal is fine. I guess I just have issues with drama. lol ...as if that's not just one big contradition of terms. i crack me up. anyways...dinner was great...blockbuster was fun, too...then the talk began. Not that talk is anything special in unto itself...talk is everwhere...all the time. ya gotta have the talk. but this talk was different. talk that refers to the past. talk that pulls one back to a time where single was the state and the mentality that goes with that is...well...single. you've all been there...in fact, quite a few of you are there now. and that's not a bad thing. single is a great time to discover who you really are and enjoy yourself and your life. I learned a TON about myself in my last stint of single. i wasn't necessarily looking to ditch single when I did, but I sure am glad that i have moved into not single with the woman that i'm with. pause tangent...back to our main story of the night... so yeah...when you're single, you are pretty much free to do whatever you want, whenever you want. That's fine and good, i suppose. Everyone does something different, as single is different for everyone. duh. so...why do the habits of single have anything to do with the habits of not single. for instance....if I liked to party a lot and dance with other women and...god forbid...kiss another woman on the dance floor...that would be fine. maybe not one of my better moments, but not something to bring trouble upon me. I would be fine with that happening. I have been there...and that's that. But now...I'm a not single kyle. i love being a not single kyle with this woman. i am not stuggling with that in the least. but...here's the rub...i'm not sure it's a rub...but here's the deal anyhow... if I were to look something someone did as a single person and look down on them for doing what they are doing...(say kissing someone that you just met or whatever...defin itely not the best of things to do, but definitely not the worst, either)...I suppose that could be a bad thing. umm...that didnt make sense. ok. i'm not a fan of flirtatious women that flirt just to flirt. i think that emotions are something that are not to be toyed with and that excessive flirting can be just a tool that is used to get attention, material goods, whatever. when it is used as such, it can be harmful. it can be a bad thing. if someone were to flirt a lot while single...but not while in a relationship...that isnt necessarily a bad thing. single is one thing....not single is entirely different. flirting while being single is ok...not a bad thing, though it can be if abused or turned into sport. flirting while in a relationship is not a good thing. I'm not saying that it doesnt happen or that it is always bad, but there are definitely tighter guidelines for that, than the single flirt. umm. it's late for me tonight....though it is not yet tomorrow...hm oh well.
modified mood...stoked about being not single...loaded on too much late caffeine...pacified by chronic lack of sleep...loving the pseudo intoxication that sleep deprivation provides... WOW...I haven't drank alcohol since...umm...I think since the PSP event. Not that I didnt have enough there for the month, but WOW. I sure am strange. maybe I will post some snowboarding pics now... :P

Currently listening:
Musicforthemorningafter (with Bonus CD)
By Pete Yorn
Release date: 23 April, 2002

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