Friday, December 02, 2005

i'm not sure (ported from myspace)

so friday is finally here and it's late in the day...still at work. yeah...that...again. anyhow, budget season is kicking into high gear and it seems that everyone is content to not take ownership for their stuff. wow, i love being the underpaid one that has to try to keep everyone on the same page. more and more, i'm thinking that i should put myself on the short timer's list here. i mean, so many people get paid so much more for doing SOOOO much less. I don't see why i couldnt be in their shoes. and i'm not just saying that to be pissy...i really don't see a reason. I mean, if i'm going to deal with the stress and BS no matter what, i might as well get paid for it...or i could go find something that i actually like doing and pursue that? dunno, yo. i feel like the more i pursue God (and i'm not sure if it just feels like it is since i became a Christian or if now I have been told that Christians struggle more, especially new ones), the more i feel pressure to act instead of just dealing with the ever-nebulous "IT". solitaire... i just wonder why i'm here...i sure as heck know that i'm not here just to help make toilet paper that's cheaper and looks better than the competition, all the while finding ways to rip off the customer and give them less for more $$... then again, maybe i am supposed to be here and i just can't see all of the non-christians here in the right set a fire under my sedentary b(_)++ and get me to start talking with them. i'm not sure if this role even plays to my strengths? or if i'm really supposed to play to my strengths or if i'm supposed to be making better use of my weaknesses (reference my favorite verse...2cor10:3-5)....oh, and have i mentioned that i have a ton of weaknesses? lol i don't see what God sees in me. i'm not sure what i see in me sometimes...being human sucks, i'll tell you what. oh well...i guess i shouldnt complain too much...i'm alive...healthy and i'm smart enough to know that i'm definitely broken...and that i know enough to know that i can't be the person that i want to be on my own...and i guess that's a start. i'm blessed with great friends...GREAT family... a job that pays pretty well (though more often than not, i wonder if that really is a blessing)...and my introspective intellect. THANK GOD for the BIBLE..y'know? anyone that doesn't know...send me a message with your address and i will send you one, so you, too can know how great it is. seriously...try me... :) (doin' my best to...) Love Y'all!!

Currently listening:
The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hill
By Lauryn Hill
Release date: 25 August, 1998

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