I'm still not sure what to think about computers...first, i learn to dislike them (while at work for 8-15hours/day)...then i go home and the first thing that I want to do is to jump on the computer or to pickup one of my linux books or whatever...i'm kind of curious as to what the allure is to me...i really like when stuff is free (cause paying for stuff is painful and oftentimes does not yield the same level of results...brings to mind the sacrifice Jesus made for us...as he was able to pay for something with his body that we could never pay for...i wonder if getting stuff for free is some innate desire that we have, as we innately understand that we NEED that which cannot be purchased...another person's love...the blood of Jesus...friends...etc) and i really like when stuff is cool/interesting/fun/produces nice results...all the while challenging me to stretch my brain and build myself.
breaking this down yet another level...i like linux. i'm going to start there...(now)...hmm...i have been on a computer for longer than i can remember. i really don't even remember life without a computer. i think our first one showed up around age 5....but that was a mac. back to linux...i guess what appeals to me is that it is a computer OS that not everyone knows. (including me). i like having problems arise...er...opportunites arise...that i do not already know how to fix. windows used to bug me because problems would show up...i would know how to fix it...and it would just take way too freaking long...but with linux...once i know how to fix something...it's usually pretty painless...it's free...has a HUGE variety of communities for support and people that use linux are generally of the hIgher Quality intellect. i find that fascinating. it is cool to find a group of folks who are smart...working on the same thing....motivated by a common interest...not getting paid (i have found that not getting paid is huge in this picture...where else do you find coders motivated by interest? usually people who are enrolled in the work force tend to lose motivation, whether it be by a lack of inspiration, management stifling their creative muscles, boring office environment or what have you....it just seems to go downhill once the funds start flowing...maybe i'm in the wrong line of work??).
anyways...people who run linux usually have a pretty strong desire to learn and to improve that which they are learning. me? i really dig linux. i'm really starting to ramp up on the learning curve...and i'm really digging it. i do still have a dual boot computer at home, with a legal, purchased version of MS windo$e XP MCE 2005, but i haven't really booted to it in quite awhile. i am still having a few issues getting linux to do all the things i want it to, but for the most part, i feel really, really comfortable with it and am getting pretty good at tweaking, breaking, fixing...rinse wash repeat...linux. i am a slow learner, though.
i feel hampered of late by work. i work too much...or just get too frustrated by work to spend quality time in linux. i have been digressing quite a bit at work...we have 2 huge programs here at work, that work together and they are both based on unix...which linux is derived from. so it's great being able to reapply some of my newly acquired knowledge of linux to these systems...and to be able to have a better of computers and their guts at the same time...but i have really been focusing on what i enjoy at work...which is not necessarily my job. not that it matters...i suppose that i should focus on what i'm good at...but i really do still need to get my job done and do what i'm actually getting paid to do...whatever. work is really kinda secondary to me. feels weird saying that...but i really don't have too many qualms about not having my job. i feel so demotivated when i come to work. i am inspired infrequently...usually when talking with someone else about their issues and what I can do to help resolve them. blah. why am i talking about work...i get tired just talking about it.
linux...yeah...good...so i'm still exploring this curiosity that the Lord has brought into my life and doing my best to explore this desire to the fullest...i'm actually kind of excited as to where this path will lead me...new career? start a business? i have no idea...just know that work...i can't even say that it's the actual work..but more of the people...or the situation...is really killing me. i wish i had the same passion to find a new job as i do to explore on the computer at home. that's kinda weird though. i know that God gave me the tools that I need to do the job that he put me here to do...i just need to figure out what the job is...and why me? haha. why anything, i guess...if you're going to ask why at all...start there. blarg...
Xplore Xwindows Xtremely Xcited Xactly Xasperated Xtremely Xtatic
way past my bedtime (time to go home)
maybe i just need to get some good solid old fashioned sleep? maybe i'm getting too much sleep...i don't really think there's a difference in how the day goes by...just changes the amount of stuff that i get done in a day.
project for when i get home...figure out what crashed on the ol' linux box...upgraded to the almost beta KDE 3.4.5 for kubuntu overnight...yay! good times.... >sudo apt-get remove kde< : )