Thursday, December 14, 2006

asiod;gph (ported from myspace)

teacher my brain is full can i be excused? i wish it were full of things worth saying or even just things that were worth keeping in my head but instead, my head is full of junk. Saw a blog from someone else (myspace friend: Kimber) that basically said that you have to focus on the important things in life and ensure that the non-important things never take over (work, fixing the garbage disposal, yada yada). so here i am...awhile after reading that blog...and i'm at work (still).

work is pretty much just a bunch of crap. I have talked (to myself) at length about the futulity of's almost like people are so lazy and unmotivated that it's like a weight around my ankles...i just get pulled down..thereby lowering my performance...which i loosely equate to being happy at the sense that when i'm doing a good job...performing well...i'm glorifying God with my work. since that's pretty much the intent behind work...and so i'm a little perplexed. i'm not 100% clear if the fact that i'm struggling with it is good...because i'm going through the preverbial fire...trial by fire...the whole pain is gain thing...or if i'm just being a 'tard (thanks seth) and i should just push through the BS and just get to work. i have spent the majority of the past 3 days just mulling about work...helping folks with tons of little things, even to the point where i'm just talking with folks about this or that...just building the bonds of friendship that really make work enjoyable. i'm not totally clear as to whether i'm motivated to talk to others because of a lack of motivation to do "work"...what i'm supposedly paid to do...or if i'm motivated by a genuine interest. i am genuinely interested...and generally demotivated of i suppose it could be a mix of both...healthy mix? who's healthy...c'mon now really...we're all broken. haha

go drink some soy milk. i found that it actually has more calories than non-fat milk...and nonfat milk has more protein (most folks associate soy-anything with high protein). funny how things get twisted like that. soy milk is typically flavored with this or that...usually vanilla and sweeteners like cane sugar (doesn't all sugar come from cane? sounds fancier, i suppose) it has more carbs...

see...more junk in my head. back to the type of junk that i'm thinking about is dealing with little deadlines at work...or helping people setup printers (not my job) at work...even christmas seems a bit extraneous in that everyone spend so much time trying to think about gifts for folks...passing gift cards back and forth...i suppose that's true about's always hard to get inside someone'e head and figure out what would make them happy. worth it, i suppose. work, i guess is the primary source of extraneous material in my head. i'll even use work terminology and say that it is a large source of non-value add data that i have to store.

what is "value add" in life?

all that glorifies God...i suppose that would be the textbook response. does my typing of this glorify God? how about work? i suppose if people see that my dedication to work is genuine and comes from a deep rooted interest in doing my best at whatever i'm doing...and that in seeing that, they are interested in what i'm into and why...i am how i am.

dunno...i really don't feel like i am completely able to tap into my thoughts of there is some mysterious pool of thought...of brain junk that is just taking up space in my head...preventing me from just being me all the time. God help me please...thanks! everyone has stuff going on...medical issues...relationship issues...whatever it is...and here i am with my issue being "brain junk" or something akin to that.

maybe i'm just filling my life up too much with crap. like too many trips that don't really do anything. i'm not saying that they aren't fun....but what do the DO for me? hawaii was awesome! whistler was great...costa rica was about tahoe in feb or mammoth in mar? would my life be less fulfilling if I just didnt go on those kind of trips? they are stressful...financially draining...hmm will jot that down on my internal notepad for more thought at a later date.


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