work...um...yeah, so in the bible, it says that we should all work hard to glorify god. i guess i have been pondering this a lot lately, as my job is not exactly 100% of what i would like it to be or probably even 100% of a full job, for that matter. my backfill in my previous role is out today...and it took me all of 1hr to do her stuff this morning...a few hours anyways...i guess my workload is finally ramping up, which is good, but it really feels like i'm just getting by, day to day...not really making any valid progress. um...i guess i need to restate that, or at least try to explain.
err...i feel like we have a bunch of people who don't do their jobs correctly all the time, then we have people who are paid to fix all of the little screwups that slip through the normal filters (i do a little of this)...then we have people that pretty much just sit around talking to people all day, "setting direction" as to how they want the business run (managers). so my role kinda falls right between the two factions. my role is that of a level2 mgr, while i am only getting paid as a level3 tech ( a hefty pay discrepancy, if i dont say so myself). i guess i'm really not that worried about the money...i've never been about making huge sums of cash...i just want enough so i can do what i want for the most part and just live life. i dont need to have a small fortune, a mansion and four wives...but i would like to be settled beyond the current pay period. anyways...the WHOLE purpose of this blog concept was to get out frustrations/confusion about god and his purpose for my life. in fact, sokny was helping me with this yesterday. we were talking about how i was feeling out of the loop at work, in a time where i really need to be in the loop, but that the people who are supposed to keep me in the loop don't care enough to make the effort to involve me (their loss, IMHO, but whatever).
anyways...so i was frustrated, saying that i should go find another job and that maybe god was encouraging me onward...past this job. she referred to one of my first favorite bible verses (rom 5:3, i think) that says that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces hope and hope is basically what helps us to stay positive and keep believing in God (that he is good). that's a paraphrase...argh...let me see if i can find it in NIV..."3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." ah yes, character...ya gotta have character.
anyways...yeah, so she brought that up and it really helped me to flip my mood around. i still vented to her (another topic, for another day, as it says in proverbs that only a fool let's his my fly off...which i kinda related to venting) for another hour or so, but in the end, it was really good for me. we talked through some work stuff and it ended up being a really positive situation. yeah...so i still struggle with my purpose at work..not my lame job description, but my God-glorifying reason for existing on this planet, because, gosh darnit, there's only one of me and God put me here for a reason...i just need to do my best to strive towards that. arg...back to work...i will have to get back to this later or something...
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