Monday, September 18, 2006

normalized (ported from myspace)

i'm not sure if i just gave up on work or what...but it sure has been a lot less stressful lately. I'm not sure if it's just because i haven't been doing as much or if i have just come to terms with the fact that i know i can't get everything done even if i work 12hrs a day. i have put in my fair share of long days in an attempt at getting the work done...and i have made some dents in it here and there but i found that doing that was a conflict of my work ethic and my work-life balance theory. i really do believe that one should make every effort to keep work at work and to keep it from affecting the personal side of life. that has been a struggle of late and a struggle that i'm not completely sure which side i'm on.

i'm a fan of work...i'm pretty good at what i do...i usually like what i do...and i think it will settle down within the next few months, but i'm still unsure as to whether or not this experience changed how i do work. i guess recapping the events of late is about all i have to let out on "normal" days...weird. i figured that i might not have a whole lot to say...i guess i'm just really curious as to what work is going to look like when i'm only doing one job instead of the ever-nebulous 2.3523234 is so weird not really knowing what my priorities are at work. so weird just being at work and knowing that even if i didnt go home...and didnt really sleep that much...i still wouldnt get all of it done. feels helpless most of the time...the rest of the time, i'm just too busy doing the work to realize that life...and work...and opportunities to actually pause and make the place better...actually fix the problems...actually implement my good ideas...are just passing me by. i think that i really do get my enjoyment out of work through the improvements that i make...through the 1 time per month (or 3 months...whatever) that i get the acknowledgement that i'm doing a good job. maybe that's just what happens when it's like this. i think i really do drop more work and probably get in "trouble" (if that could ever happen) more than i get "props". i guess i wonder if i can ever get back to the point where i'm satisfied with just getting the job done, unnoticed or if i will forever be in this pseudo world that is work where everything has to be humorous because if i really took it seriously, i would either just walk out or i would stay and work 16hr days 6.5 days/week.

getting a raise is humorous at this is piled high...things are falling to the floor...maybe, just maybe somebody else sees the light...sees that we are doing 4 jobs with just under two full time people...and that the responsibility for covering the balance falls on me. that's weird....i'm the only full time person in this department (i laugh at the mention of it being called a department in the fragmented state that it is in today)...i feel that no one really thinks i'm going to get back to them when they ask me a question...that it really wouldnt matter if i stayed or went as the productivity level that i work at varies so much day to day...hour to hour...even minute to minute...i digress...i suppose that's the point of this strange blog...not sure if i'm typing public or is just to let out something...more of a curiousity of whether or not there is anything worth see if i have anything worth saying at i have said it all before....just in a different order. news on the forefront: business trip to costa rica in october without sok...good and bad i suppose...a vacation that would have been great to share with her as well as (more than likely) much needed time apart. we live together work together (albeit in different ends/businesses of the plant) together, sleep together...the whole yeah...unsure of what that trip is going to look like. maybe it's my solitary answer to the annual "girls trip" that has been toned down from the all out (pre kyle) party in the (early kyle) party in miami/south this year's scottsdale, az trip...i guess it's supposed to be a spa/relaxation trip. dunno...not thinking that a trip like that...with the history there is going to be fully acceptable...ever?...i guess i'll have to "noodle" on that one. work sayings crack me up. "one sentence, no prose" i've got your teeth, please. ugh. anyways...this is a positive sentence...costa rica...linux? we are cutting over to a new linux based tracking system instead of our current unix one. i guess the HP-UX licensing fees were price-prohibitive. the new "low cost" server fits our corporate theme of using low-cost slave labor in previously management staffed roles (oh, that's me)...haha i love this place. i guess i really am linux...a low cost version of unix...:) the way things are going lately and by these parallels...i think i might have to go with bill gates...( i hear that campbells (yeah, the soup company) is the new chlorox...brush up the resume..."sell myself"...something that PnG has trained me well at)...

heck with doing the work. seriously. i'm totally convinced that i could spend my day doing 3 things (in 2hrs/day) that "make headlines" at work...and probably don't really DO anything...and get all sorts of praise and i would end up being better off than if i spent all day doing the 16 things that were really the best for the business. so strange...i suppose that it would probably (maybe) catch up with me eventually. i don't think i would get any satisfaction out of that anyways. pays better though. haha.

No comments: